Darren's Top Ten List of News Events of 2009

Normally, I'd be working on the annual "Year in Brief" edition, but with all of the depressing news and my own occasional ADHD, I decided to give it a break, and just condense it down to what I think are the most important news events of 2009. Much has happened- the health care fight going on in Congress, the first African-American president, and more. Here are my picks for the top stories in 2009:

10. GOP Extramarital Affairs. The Republican Party. The party of morals, where gay marriage is an abomination of the mighty Jehovah, spending on the less fortunate is spending too much on them, and marriage is sacred and extramarital affairs are verboten. Apparently somebody forgot to tell Senator John Ensign (R-Nevada), and South Carolina governor Mark Sanford about the latter. Ensign had an affair with a staffer's wife- all while running for re-election, and Sanford was somewhere in the Appalachians- in Argentina, nonetheless. Yes, Sanford said he was hiking with his boys in the Appalachian mountains (where? West Virginia? Virginia? He never did say, did he?) when he was actually doing the bump-and-grind tango with his Argentine mistress, Maria Belen Chapur, somewhere in Buenos Aires. Of course, Sandford- like Ensign- played the apology card, but Jenny didn't buy it- she filed for divorce this month.

9. Health Care Fight: As if some members of the GOP weren't busy having trysts (wait! That didn't come out right, did it? Hmmm...), they were busy trying to block health care legislation, stating that it'll cost too much in a shitty economy such as the one we're going through now. And to make matters worse- thanks largely to their fellow butt pirates and all-around drama queens Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh- there were town hall meetings likening the health care issue to socialism. Some even managed to compare President Obama to the late German chancellor (and all-around nutcase) Adolf Hitler for even bringing up the topic. The legislation has passed the House of Representatives, and has a good chance of passing in the Senate as well. This could come at a price to some of the Democrats who are up for re-election in 2010. We'll see.

8. Swine Flu/H1N1: (Darren coughs and sneezes). Boy, do I feel like shit.I've been wheezing and hacking for two weeks and...oh, man...I....can't...(Darren lies unconscious).
(Darren's ghost appears): What happened was I came down with that H1N1 flu, you know, the one they call "Swine Flu". This year alone, over 11,500 have died from it worldwide, and most of them were young- under the age of 25. Here in the US, over 35,310 were hospitalized, and 1,567 have died from it (according to the latest figures from the US Centers For Disease Control and Prevention). In October, President Obama declared H1N1 a nation emergency. (Wait a sec...why am I returning to this carcass? You mean I'm not dead?...St. Peter heard of my plans to...why that...)

7. Microsoft Windows 7/Apple Mac OS X Snow Leopard: Remember when Microsoft released Vista about two years ago? Many had wished that the company from Redmond had waited a bit longer, as Vista was not worth the five year wait. Personally, I haven't had too many issues from it, but I had enough of them for me to join the legions of folks who upgraded to Windows 7. 7 was released in October, and it is what Vista was supposed to be, but wasn't- stable, virtually bug-free, and much less stress-inducing (one of my sisters beg to differ, though...well, you can't please everyone). Apple released Mac OS X Snow Leopard a month earlier. Snow Leopard is supposed to give storage and memory space back to the user, which makes for a more pleasant experience. But, from what I've been seeing at Apple's website, where customers give reviews of products, it's not as easygoing as it seems (the argument may be said about the Mac OS itself, since many programs still don't have Mac versions, and if you do run those programs, you'll need Parallels or the included Boot Camp...that's okay, I'll stay with my Windows 7).

6. Tiger Woods Scandal: "Hold that Tiger! Hold that Tiger!..." Okay, bad singing there. But the man born Eldrick Woods is a golf genius, with 14 major championship trophies, including four Masters. The same could probably be said about the number of women he's fucked. And here we all thought Tiger was a squeaky clean kid. Shows how much we know! This fracas all started with a car accident near his home on November 27, when Tiger crashed his Cadillac Escalade into a tree. His wife Elin came to his aid, smashing the window- and likely aiming for Tiger's head. Then the number of women who said Tiger had scored many a hole in one in them started to surface. The first, Rachel Utchitel, denied that she even played bed golf with Eldrick (yeah,  the guy who has a very strong resemblance to Tiger), but the bearer of the second hole- San Diego waitress Jaimee Grubbs-  said that she carried a 2 1/2 year affair. Then a dozen more women surfaced, which means that had Tiger not crashed his SUV, he would've finished an entire round without setting foot on the golf course...unless, of course, he played carnal golf on the golf course itself. Anyway, in the intervening days and weeks, Woods apologized, and didn't show up at his charity golf tournament. He lost endorsements from Tag Heuer (the Swiss watch company), Gillette- now a subsiduary of Procter and Gamble, and Irish-based consulting firm Accenture, among others. And if that's not enough, some Canadian sports doctor, Tony Galea- who treated Woods- is under investigation for admininistering Actovegin and other human growth hormones (no word on whether Woods himself took these). It's no wonder Tiger is in hiding. Perhaps when this story first broke, he should have taken a page from talk show king David Letterman. You see Letterman had his own issues with infidelity this year, but unlike Woods, Letterman manned up and turned this episode into jokes (I think Letterman is still with his wife Regina, for many of his trysts happened before they got married).

5. Balloon Boy: A precocious six year old kid gets into a balloon, built by his dad. The balloon flies off, with the poor kid inside. Said balloon flies 50 miles from the house. A worried nation watches.

Balloon lands in a field. No little boy found. Did he fall? Yes, he fell. Asleep. In the attic. At home.


Little six year old Falcon Keene was never in the balloon, but hid from his parents, and the authorities who frantically searched for him. Daddy Richard is mad, then sorry for yelling at Falcon. So, they're on CNN's "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer, and Falcon opens his mouth.
Uh-oh. Can you say "cover blown"? That's right. It's revealed that the entire thing was all a fucking hoax. Richard Heene and his wife got jail time- and they may have to appear on yet another reality series, like, say, "The Dysfunctional Media Whore Family Heene" to pay off those fines incurred.

4. Miracle On The Hudson: We take a break from the jackassery to bring you the story of a jetliner that landed in the water. On January 15, 2009, US Airways 1549 was en route to Charlotte, North Carolina from LaGuardia Airport when a flock of birds flew into one of the jet's engines. 155- 150 passengers and 5 crew- were on board. The plane was over the Hudson river and too far from any nearby airport. Now this could have ended in tragedy, but a strong and calm captain, Chesley "Sully" Sullenberg skillfully landed the jetline in the cold waters of the Hudson, then made sure everyone was out safely. If anyone fits the true definition of hero, it's Sully- though he would say that he was just doing his job.

3. Sam Adams Scandal: In May 2008, Portland, Oregon voters- including this blogger- elected the first openly gay mayor of a US city over 500,000 (our current city proper population is 570,000), Sam Adams. His opponent was Japanese-born Sho Dozono, who owns Azumano Travel (a locally-owned regional travel agency). January 1, Adams was inaugurated. Nineteen days later, he gave this confession:



Yes, Sammy Boy lied during his mayoral campaign- and while he was still Portland city commissioner. The newly elected state's attorney general (at the time) John Kroger did an investigation to see if Adams had sex with Beau Breedlove, an intern for Republican state representative Kim Thatcher, when Breedlove was 17- having sex with a 17 year old minor in Oregon basically gets you a slap on the wrist. The ensuing investigation found that Adams porked Breedlove when the latter turned 18, but the two did carry on a romance when Breedlove was 17. Hmm-kay. In other words, Adams didn't do anything wrong.
Other scandalous acts of Adams this year were his being in a car crash, and one of his homes being in foreclosure. No wonder there was a recall petition against him. That one failed, but a second one, led by former state senator Avel Gordly, may be coming to Portland streets soon.

(Update 1/2/10: recently, Houston- with a population of about 3.5 times that of Portland's- has recently one-upped the City of Rain and Rose Thorns- by electing its own openly lesbian mayor. So far, Annise Parker doesn't appear to be scandal-ridden. Which is more than I can say for Spammy...er, Sammy...).

2. President Obama: The first ever black president of the United States. How long did that take to happen? About...oh, about 235 years or so? Honestly, I thought I'd never see that happen in my lifetime- 42 years and counting- but here we are, in 2009. Hell has really frozen over. But it hasn't been a bed of roses for the man born of a black Kenyan father and a white mother from Kansas. That aforementioned health care debacle gives him fits, as does a little country called Iran (and its pipsqueak excuse of a president- he's really a fucking puppet for the Ayatollahs). Then there's the issue of his citizenship. He was born in Honolulu, Hawaii in 1961- two years after Hawaii became our 50th state. But that doesn't satisfy those pissed off, cross burning conservatives who would have preferred that Caribou Barbie, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin(who I admittedly have a crush on. Where did that saying "opposites attract" come from again?) and some overtanned fossil from Arizona who wanted us to stay in Iraq for 100 more years. But still, history has been made, and Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. is staying calm through the storm and bickering. He won a Nobel Peace Prize this year- even as he ordered 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. He did get a case of foot-in-mouth disease when he first commented on the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Gates (of course, there's a cure for foot in mouth disease- BEER!) Well, take comfort, Barry. Nelson Mandela didn't have it any easier either when he became president of South Africa almost 20 years ago.

And the number one top story of 2009 is:

1. MICHAEL JACKSON'S DEATH: We loved him for his moonwalks and his falsetto voice- and loathed him because he hung around children a bit longer than many of us would consider normal. Over his 45 year career- and that's counting his days singing in the nightclubs of Gary, Indiana with his brothers- he had countless hits such as "ABC"; "Never Can Say Goodbye"; and of course, one of the top-selling albums of all times, 1982's "Thriller". When Michael Joseph Jackson died on June 25, 2009- just five hours after an "Angel" named Farrah left us, the world came to a screeching halt. I remember, as I did a evening shift selling a street newspaper in northeast Portland, folks were buying up albums of the "King of Pop". I myself stayed on my laptop from the very moment KCBS/KCAL in Los Angeles reported that Jackson was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. I watched as crowds gathered around the hospital grounds. And within seconds of the pronouncement of death, I reported it right here on NFTHE (who says that breaking news doesn't happen here?). Love him or hate him, Jackson will always be an icon to the billions of fans around the world. At the time of his death, Jackson was preparing for what he had said- in March- was his final tour, called "This Is It". Of course, who would have imagined that on June 25, 2009, at 2:30 PM Pacific Time, that those words would morbidly ring true.

What will 2010 hold? We only need to be ready for that ride.

(C)MMIX, by Darren W. Alexander.
All Rights Reserved.

So Did Commuting Maurice Clemmons' Sentence Work Out, Mike?

First, my condolences go out to the families of Lakewood police officers Sgt. Mark Ressinger; Officers Tina Griswold, Greg Richards, and Ronald Owens. The four were killed yesterday at a Lakewood coffee cafe, three of them execution style. The suspect, Maurice Clemmons, 37, was the apparent gunman. He's holed up at a home, which is surrounded by SWAT officers. Clemmons is wounded, and possibly deceased according to latest reports. 

Clemmons was to have served 95 years for a variety of crimes- including assault on a police officer, child rape, among other charges. But his sentence was commuted by then-Arkansas governor Michael Dale Huckabee. As in the 2008 presidential candidate and multi-term governor. Huck was criticized for his actions.

And now, I ask, "How did it work out, Mike?"

I'll be back later to talk more about this.

(C) MMIX, by Darren W. Alexander

All Rights Reserved.

Sanford facing 37 charges - WIS News 10 - Columbia, South Carolina |

Sanford facing 37 charges - WIS News 10 - Columbia, South Carolina |

The fall of South Carolina governor Mark Sanford continues.

The thirty-seven charges he faces- including using state funds to pay for air fare for various travels. I'm not going to yammer on with details. Just go to the WIS-TV site, and go to for the 17-page document. Or just click here to: http://ftpcontent.worldnow.com/wistv/pdf/DOC112309.pdf


(C) MMIX, by Darren W. Alexander.
All Rights Reserved.

Ida Barreling on Gulf Coast

Just when you think that the 2009 Hurricane season would remain quiet and tranquil, some bitch named Ida decides to crash the party.

Right now, tropical storm Ida is abotu 76 miles south-southeast of the mouth of the Mississippi, and she appears to have New Orleans- or areas to the east- in her crosshairs. New Orleans is under a tropical storm warning, with current wind speed (at press) at 23 MPH, from the NE, gusting to 33 MPH.

Continuing coverage goes on by the local media in the New Orleans area. Of course, my prayers are with the folks in the Big Easy- and if Ida in some way tries to destroy the old girl of the Mississippi, I'd have to get into fisticuffs with that bitch. Nobody messes with New Orleans and gets away with it!

(C) MMIX, by Darren W. Alexander
 All Rights Reserved.

Duped By the Heenes

To the Heene family: Nice fucking try!

Thursday morning- while I was out working- the country was riveted in the drama where a littlw boy, named Falcon, all of a rambunctious six, apparently went inside an experimental balloon his father Richard (all of a precocious 44- though KCNC CBS 4 in Denver says that he's 48) made. Richard lost control of the balloon, with Falcon inside, and it flew fifty miles from their Fort Collins home. The balloon landed in a field and officials opened up the balloon- and found no Falcon. Of course, it was later revealed that the little guy wasn't in the balloon, but instead, was apparently hiding in the garage attic.

Now comes news that the little runt wasn't in the attic, either. In fact, Larimer County sheriff Jim Alderden now says that the family was pulling a stunt just to land another reality show, and this stunt was two weeks in planning. Only, this little stunt now earns the parents a possible $500,000 fine, and six years in prison. And to think that I was willing to give the parents the benefit of the doubt. After all, the world's all nervous over a little boy in peril- the balloon had electronics that would have electrocuted the boy. Of course, we're all relieved that Falcon is okay, but to use him as a ruse to cover up the fact that the parents are nothing more than media whores just to be on another reality TV series, that's plain fucked. Apparently, ABC's "Wife Swap" and being an amateur storm chaser just wasn't enough for them. Now, Richard- and possibly Mayumi- Heene could play a different kind of swap. All because they wanted to overstay their fifteen minutes. Hell, they could have just began acting careers and did fine. Or do what Joseph Jackson did with his kids back in Gary, Indiana- turn those three boys into singers or actors.

How's playing the world for a fool working out for you now, Rich?

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander.
All Rights Reserved.

North Carolina Church Wants You To Burn Your Bibles

"All Scripture is inspired by God" -2 Timothy 3:16

Called the "Good Book" by many people, the Bible is no doubt responsible- according to many- for changing lives for the better. Politicians even use parts of it to frame laws on the books. Whether you believe every tenet and scripture or not, that's your personal choice. Hell, there are parts of it that I don't agree on, and in some cases, I even believe that parts of it is outdated. But that's me. There are many translations of the Bible. For instance, many faiths such as the Southern Baptist Convention use the New International Version, or NIV. Many others use the King James. The Jehovah's Witnesses have their own version, The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures. No matter the translation, many stand by the Bible for wisdom and comfort. However, there is a congregation in Canton, North Carolina- which is near Asheville- who believes that all translations, save for one, are perverted and even the spawn of the Deity many call Devil and Satan.

Amazing Grace Baptist Church is sponsoring a mass burning on Halloween. Among the materials that are suggested to be fuel for the bonfire are:

• CDs of rap/hip-hop; heavy metal; and other genres of music
• Books and magazines. Not just the pornographic kinds, either. Novels, mainstream magazines (such as Vanity Fair, Esquire, Time), and probably the local and national newspapers, too.
• And Bibles and Contemporary Christian Music CDs, as well as books by Billy Graham and Rick Warren, and other evangelicals.

Wait a sec. Bibles and Contemporary Christian music is included on this list? Yes! The Bible is included in this list of items to be burned. Apparently all translations- save for the King James Version- have been perverted by the Devil Deity, according to the pastor of Amazing Grace, Marc Grizzard. Grizzard believes that openly the King James Version- and not the New King James Version, mind you- is the only true translation of the Bible. He also believes that Billy Graham- who has his Billy Graham Evangelical association ministry in nearby Charlotte- and Reverend Rick Warren, of Saddleback Church (which is affiliated with the SBC), among others, are nothing more than messengers for the Antichrist.

I'll admit that I'm not exactly the most spiritual person on the planet, but I am nonetheless a spiritual person, and do believe that there is a Deity and God. So I'm trying to comprehend the reasons behind Marc Grizzard's decision that only the King James version is true, while others are just rubbish. Even as I don't read my Bible as much as one probably thinks I should, I'm not going to burn it, no matter the translation. As I look at this story, which you can watch by just clicking on the title, I look at the past, when people were burned at the stake- some holding their Bibles, nonetheless, in their efforts to keep it alive through the ages. Others- those in communist countries such as China, and for a time Russia (when it was the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics), plus a few Muslim countries- banned it and probably held a few Bible burnings as well. Of course, some jurisdictions still do this today. Admittedly, the Amazing Grace Baptist Church is within its right to do so- freedom of speech and expression under the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. Still, I don't have to agree with them. I don't think too many others do, either.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Mayor: Recallers got their shot | Local News | kgw.com | News for Portland Oregon and SW Washington

Mayor: Recallers got their shot | Local News |
kgw.com | News for Portland Oregon and SW Washington

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Portland mayor Sam Adams job is safe- for now. But the man behind the petition drive to recall Adams is itching to start a second one. My advice to Jay: LET IT GO! LEAVE IT ALONE, DUDE!

As we all know by now, Sam Adams- who became the first openly gay mayor of an American city with a population of 500,000 or more on January 1- confessed on Inauguration Day (of all fucking days!) that he had a relationship with legislative intern (of anti-gay representative Kim Thatcher...BITCH!) Beau Breedlove. A subsequent criminal investigation found that Adams did nothing wrong in having any relationship with Breedlove (Adams could have faced misdemeanor charges for having sex with Beau when Beau was 17. Lucky Sam waited until Beau turned 18...). A petition drive took place between July 7 and today, and the drive has failed to gather the minimum number of signatures- 32,000- to force a recall. Had it succeeded, Adams wouyld have five days to call it quits, or explain why he shouldn't leave 1221 SW 4th Avenue (location of City Hall. The MAX light rail now stops in its back door...but that's neither here nor there...).

But the man behind the original petition drive, Jasun Wurster, just won't let it quit. He's planning a second petition drive to drive Adams out of office. Why doesn't Wurster just wait two years, then file the paper work with the Secretary of State, and run for mayor if he feels that Adams is such a fink. Okay, so Sam lied about his relationship with that little media whore (who used this scandal as a stepping stone to show off his shortcomings in a gay porn magazine) while city commissioner. SO FUCKING WHAT! The majority of the people- including this blogger who happened to vote for Adams (over business owner Sho Dozono)- still think that Adams is a good mayor, in spite of- or probably because of- this scandal (and the subsequent news that one of his homes is in foreclosure, and that he's not exactly the best driver in town).

Jasun, get over yourself.

Click on the headline above for the KGW story.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander
All Rights Reserved.

Parents Sue Wal-Mart Over Bathtime Photos

Parents Sue Wal-Mart Over Bathtime Photos

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Two parents take photos of their daughters taking their bath to the local Walmart. An employee called the Peoria, Arizona police, and the three girls were taken away. a judge later found the photos to be non-pornographic, and the girls are back with their parents. during this ordeal, the parents were placed on a sex offenders list, and the local prosecutor still call the photos sexual- when it was (and still is!) clear that the photos were innocent.

I remember when my four siblings and myself were taking baths, our parents would take pictures of us- and our parents never molested us while said pictures were taken. This ritual went on in many families for ages, and the vast majority of you parents- I'm very sure- aren't thinking sick and perverted thoughts about your children. I understand that times are different from 1967 (when I was born) or even 1979 (when my youngest sister Rachelle was born), and a very small minority of parents do harm their children. While I applaud the police and Wal-Mart employees for playing on the side of caution, I think that they went a bit too far here. I mean, come on. Many of these employees are parents themselves, and I'm sure that some take pictures of their little ones having fun in the tub. It's an innocent ritual, but these days, such loving photos become red flags to the most paranoid person- as if baby splashing water in the tub makes the photo child pornography.

I have to side with the parents here. The suit against the city of Peoria is ongoing, and I'll bring you the results when they come forth.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander and ABC News. All Rights Reserved.

5 Everett bikini baristas accused of prostitution | Top Stories | Seattle News, Local News, Breaking News, Weather | KING5.com

5 Everett bikini baristas accused of prostitution | Top Stories |
Seattle News, Local News, Breaking News, Weather | KING5.com


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Apparently, the Grab-n-Go drive through espresso shop meant more than grabbing an espresso and latte en route to work. Five female baristas are charged with prostitution afteer an undercover investigation found that the women charged upward of $80 to strip down and allow customers to touch them. according to the allegations, some of the girls flashed their boobies (where do you girls think you are? Bourbon Street?), and even lost their panties and showed off those beautiful beavers, and had whipped cream fights- all while serving up the morning joe.

Sorry to digress, but it sounds to me that our friends in the Everett Police Department- under pressure of the Everett city government, no doubt- had nothing better to do. Sounds like the whole things been staged, all so those stuffy types could find a good reason to shut down espresso drive-thru shops that feature girls in bikinis (or guys in thongs, to be fair). The owner of the shop says that some of the Everett officers were just pissed because the baristas rebuffed them. Ah, the wonderful scent of entrapment and false accusation just wafts through the room. Kind of pungent, if you ask me.

But, hey, when some of those council members start pining for their favorite bikini barista, and find that she's not there- all because the city decided to shut down her shop- don't come bitching to me about it. I'll only tell you, "I told you, so."

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

'Control Freak' Clark in Maximum...

'Control Freak' Clark in Maximum...

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I wonder if he controlled his dogs the same way he tried to control his co-workers. Did Clark have "turf issues" over mice and the lab? Just asking.

Click on the title above for the ABC News story.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Yale Student Arrested For Annie Le Murder- Case of Obsession Gone Tragic or Wrong Guy?

First question: Do they even have the right guy? I mean, by all accounts, this Raymond Clark kid wouldn't even hurt a fly. He's meek by all that know him, and was an industrious worker who took care of the rodents at the Yale University School of Medicine's Animal Resources Center.

Annie Le, who was working on a doctorate in pharmacology, was supposed to be married to a Columbia University grad student last Saturday, but went missing less than a week before the wedding was to have taken place. Her body was found Sunday, stuffed in the walls of the school. Police aren't giving much more details right now, or if Le and Clark were acquaintances.

Both had worked in the same building, but many coworkers say that in the rush to find a suspect, they picked up the wrong guy. But, let's play conspiracy theorist for a second. What if Clark had a romantic obsession with Le? What if, knowing that Ms. Le was to be married, Mr. Clark decided that if he couldn't have her, no one could? If he did, let's say that he first sexually assaulted her, then strangled her to death and stuffed her behind the school's walls. That's one theory. Another could be that she was the successful and popular student, on her way to success, and he got jealous- insanely jealous- over this.

If he didn't do this, then was he coerced into stating that he did? Was he simply in the wrong place at the wrong time? By all accounts, many people say that he doesn't fit the description of a murderer- kind to everyone; young; naive; etc. But you have to remember that some people who were considered the nicest people on the planet turned out to be some really nasty types.

Again, I'm playing conspiracy theorist here, and until Mr. Clark is found guilty and convicted of this murder, he is considered innocent in a court of law.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Never Use Facebook When Committing a Burglary

Words to the wise, America: If you consider breaking into someone's home and stealing the victim's items, then take a break to check your social networking account, you may want to log out before making off with the swag. Just ask Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudon, Pennsylvania.

Parker broke into a woman's home in Martinsburg, West Virginia, and stole about $3,500 in diamond rings on August 28. That's bad enough, having your stuff stolen and all that, but to have that same robber sit down and use your computer to check his Facebook account? PRICELESS! Parker wrote on his Facebook page "I'm robbing the house now. LOL!" (or something like that...). A lot of balls doing that, Jon, but you forgot to do one thing, kid.

YOU FORGOT TO TURN THE FUCKING COMPUTER OFF!

That's right, as Parker made off with the two diamond rings, he forgot to log out of his account. Now, with the help of a friend- who Parker allegedly tried to recruit in this burglary- and Parker's fuck up, he's in the Berkeley County Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bond, and facing 10 years behind bars.

Click on the title for the story from the Martinsburg Journal

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

OOH, BIKINIS ARE EVIL!

Bikini baristas. Just about everywhere you go, you see them everywhere. And no doubt, who wouldn't want to see a hot babe- or even a gorgeous guy- in swimwear on the way to work?

Apparently, some of the august members of the Everett, Washington city council, who want to revise the lewd conduct laws to include my favorite bikini baristas. These bastards obviously have nothing better to do with their time. I mean, sure, Everett is a slightly more sleepier town than Seattle just to the south, but it's pretty sizable where it's not exactly Mayberry. If you ask me, it's the fucking meddling evangelical pricks who are infiltrating the Everett city government. Click here for the KING 5 TV story: http://www.king5.com/news/local/62930737.html.

Of course, if this ordinance revision passes, there will probably be fewer drive up coffee stops with hot babes, and you'll have to drive down to Seattle to get your caffeine and babe kick. Very smart idea, Everett. Just don't come bitching when you begin missing your favorite thong-wearing baristas.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Patrick Swayze 1952-2009

Today, we lost a real man.

No, I'm not talking about that fucking pussy Kanye West- he lost that title last night when he dissed country hottie Taylor Swift.

Patrick Swayze danced his way in out hearts in "Dirty Dancing". And he was ever the romantic with Demi Moore in "Ghost". And he was happily married to high school sweetheart, actress Lisa Niemi for 34 years. Even through all the troubles with drinking in the 1980s, after his father died, and in the 1990s, when his sister Vicky died of an overdose, Swayze remained resilient. And it was during the last two years that he kept his chin up and maintained his toughness during his fight with pancreatic cancer, which he lost today.

Here are highlights of Swayze's career:

Paramount Pictures Corporation/dylan 7805/YouTube

As much of a serious actor he was when playing tough guys and romantic leads, he played against type. He knew how to make fun of himself, as this clip from NBC's Saturday Night Live, featuring late cast member Chris Farley shows:
mazlabel4/NBC/Broadway Video/YouTube

He even played a drag queen in "To Woo Fong, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar", as Vida:

Universal Studios/reesenva/YouTube

But his best role was as a loving husband to Lisa, and a fighter when dealing with the cancer that would eventually claim him. Swayze will be remembered as a renegade spirit, who let nothing get in his way. A true survivor- and a one of a kind actor. He will be missed.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/new_haven_cty/news_wtnh_new_haven_le_homicide_investigation_200909140600

http://www.wtnh.com/dpp/news/new_haven_cty/news_wtnh_new_haven_le_homicide_investigation_200909140600

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The full story from WTNH-DT, New Haven.
(C) 2009 LIN Broadcasting.

Yale Student's Body Found

Saturday was supposed to be Annie Le's happiest day of her life, as she was to walk down the aisle with her fiance. The Yale medical student was to have a honeymoon afterward. But instead, her body was found Sunday afternoon, stuffed behind a wall at one of the university's highly secure buildings.

At this hour, a candlelight vigil is taking place in memory of the bright student who didn't seem to have an enemy in the world.There are no suspects so far. New Haven police are now investigating her murder.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Obama accepts Wilson's apology:

Obama accepts Wilson's apology: "We all make mistakes" - WIS News 10 - Columbia, South Carolina |

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US Representative Joe Wilson's little outburst during President Obama's speech on health care reform may have earned South Carolina a new nickname: The Scandal and Crybaby State.
Now don't get me wrong. I love the Palmetto State (official nickname) and I've been in Columbia 22 years ago, and find it a pretty nice burg. But with the state's governor staying on the job and- even better- staying married to some woman he doesn't even love, and now this, South Carolinaians are probably wondering if they need to start talking about secession from the Union due to the embarassment Wilson and governor Mark Sanford are putting on them. Well, sounds like an ace to use in case recall elections don't do it for you.

President Obama accepted Wilson's apology, and Wilson himself manned up and said that his emotions got the best of him. If he had done that while giving the Republican response (which he didn't, but now the GOP may have to consider him for the job the next time President Obama speaks to the nation), the country would have said "Toodle-fucking-do, dude."
The health care issue is emotional enough as it is. Joe Wilson's temper tantrum probably is a sign that it's time to stop, take a deep breath, and say "Okay, let's start over."

Then again, it's probably the beginning of seeing fisticuffs on the chamber floors of the Senate and Congress- and I don't mean just verbal ones, either. Let the brawl begin, people.

Click on the title for the story from WIS News 10 in Columbia.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved. Story from WIS-TV: (C) 2009 Raycom Media.

Apple Updates the iPod and iTunes Lineup

About a couple hours ago, I installed iTunes 9 on my laptop. The interface is a bit different- the song title is now in boldface, with the album name and artist scrolling up. Plus the Cover Flow font is in Arial bold. But other than that, I don;t see much difference in the looks of the iTunes design.

But the tool that has my attention is the iPod nano. It has a video camera and FM radio, and the prices seem to be right- $149 for the 8 GB, and $179 for the 16 GB. Methinks I'll get one of these babies real soon.

The iPod touch has gone down in price, with the 8GB model a buck shy of $200. The new 32 GB and 64 GB models feature faster performance, and a remote and mic on the headphones.

The iPod shuffle has a voice over feature that tells you the name of the song that's playing. Kind of cool, isn't it?

I can't tell you everything now, but I can suggest that you go to the Apple website- just click on the title, if you like- and check all of these toys out.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights reserved.

President Obama's Brainwash

If anyone had bothered to read and watch President Obama's speech today, you would have found out that he's on a brainwashing crusade.

He told the nation's schoolchildren- those who showed up, anyway- that they're held accountable for their own learning. Which includes listening to their teachers, and their parents. Ooh! Listening to their parents and teachers, and doing their homework, as opposed to...say, playing Grand Theft Auto IV 24/7, or playing hooky and dealing drugs on the street. What a concept! Man! I never thought of that before! But many parents- particularly of the conservative proclivity- decided that their kids didn't need to hear about responsibility to their teachers, to them the parental units, and even to the children themselves. Oh, no. They're too good to hear about how they can become better citizens of the United States.

Imagine that! President Obama telling kids that they're held accountable for their education as well as their teachers and parents. And that same president stating that their are no excuses for failing and being a dropout. Yeah. That sounds like socialism and pushing some political agenda to me. But hey, these conservative folks know what's best for their kids, right? I can hardly wait to hear the Republican response to this (that is, if there is one...).

Click on the title for the link to the text of the President's speech.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Naughty Photos Get Man In Deep Ca-Ca

Two years ago, Paul Poupart took a few pictures of a young woman named Jessica- who was drunk- posed on a Jefferson Parish, Louisiana Sheriff cruiser. In the presence was a sheriff's deputy, Steve Higgerson, of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. And now, Poupart is in deep shit with the Sheriff, citing the allegation that Poupart had set Higgerson up. But Poupart says that Higgerson never told Jessica to get off the car, and never warned Poupart to stop taking pictures from his cell phone camera. But still, the sheriff's office wants to put Poupart in jail over the pictures.

Am I missing something here? A man takes provocative photos of his drunk female friend, posing with legs spread wide open on a police cruiser, and a deputy just fucking stand there. And the office wants the photographer behind bars because it thinks that the guy is trying to, say, blackmail them or act in retaliation. I'm not getting this. The way I'm seeing this is that the whole damn matter needs to be left alone. The man did nothing wrong- otherwise Deputy Higgerson would have arrested Poupart when Poupart first took the pictures. In other words, the sheriff's office is run by a bunch of paranoid idiots, who obviously have a lot of time on their hands- even as they're in a large metropolitan area.

Click on the title for the story from WDSU News Channel 6.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Female teacher charged with sexually abusing 2 teenage boys | Local News | kgw.com | News for Portland Oregon and SW Washington

Female teacher charged with sexually abusing 2 teenage boys | Local News |
kgw.com | News for Portland Oregon and SW Washington

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Two young men- aged fifteen and seventeen- got pretty lucky with one of their teachers. Problem is, the age of consent is 18 in the liberal state of Oregon, and Wendy Cannin, who is twice the age of the boys (she's 300, may be in hot water over it. Apparently, these relationship happened over several months, and these young guys- as many young boys are apt to do when they get lucky- opened their mouths about banging Ms. Cannin, and the Morrow County sheriff intervened and arrested Cannin on a count of sexual misconduct, and six third-degree counts of rape, sodomy and sex abuse (the more serious charges because she seduced the 15-year-old...the less serious charge of sexual misconduct, because the other boy is 17. Sex with a child over 16, but under 18 in Oregon is a Class A misdemeanor...).

Now, had she banged the 17 year old in Georgia- considered a more conservative state- the cops would have shrugged it off. Had she banged the 15 year old there...well, let's just say that she'd be better off waiting until he turns 16, which is the age of consent in Georgia.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

DJ AM Dead of Apparent Overdose

The DJ known as DJ AM was found dead tonight in his Manhattan apartment. AM, whose real name was Adam Goldberg, was known for deejaying at nightclubs around the world, and was briefly engaged to Nicole Ritchie.

AM was found this afternoon at his apartment, apparently surrounded by drug paraphernilia.

Click on the title for the story by WNBC New York.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Edward Kennedy- Scion of the Kennedy Dyanasty 1932-2009

Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy aspired to be like his brothers John and Robert. The three brothers ran for President on separate occasions, but the eldest of the trio, John, succeeded. Bobby was shot down while campaigning for the top office. And Ted himself had a run for the presidency in 1980- imagine what the world would have been like had he won and beat Ronald Wilson Reagan, the retired governor of California. Kennedy was the second most senior member of the Senate, after West Virginia Democrat Robert Byrd, and third longest serving- at nine terms- again, Byrd wins hands down at 50 years. At the time of his death, at 77, last night, Kennedy had served a total of 46 years (and 292 days).

Like his brothers, he had his share of scandal. 40 years ago last month, Kennedy drove off the Dike Bridge into the Poucha Pond inlet on Chappaquiddick Island on Martha's Vineyard. One of the members of the "Boiler Room Girls"- a group of women who were supporting Bobby Kennedy's run for the office- Mary Jo Kopechne was a passenger. She drowned, while Ted Kennedy swam to safety. Kennedy plead guilty days later to leaving the scene of an accident, and was sentenced to two months in jail. The sentence was suspended. Even so, he remained in Congress for another 40 years.

As many know, Kennedy wore his liberalism on his sleeve. One of the things that stand out, for me, at least, about Senator Kennedy is his battle to keep federal judge Robert Bork from being confirmed in the US Supreme Court. Now, a bit of personal back story, at the time, I was a flag-waving, "pro-life", Southern Baptist- and Republican. The church I went to, First Baptist Church of Atlanta, is the home of In Touch Ministries, in which the senior pastor Charles Frazier Stanley still presides today (he's been head pastor for 38 years). Pastor Stanley passionately wanted Bork in the Supreme Court. After all, Stanley believed that Bork would put "God back in the schools, etc." Senator Kennedy, however, believed that Bork would move back the clock on civil rights and the right to choose between abortion and carrying to full term. Needless to say, Bork was not confirmed to the court. It also affected how Washington did business with controversial nominees and/or candidates.

Last year, Kennedy was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, in which he had surgery for. He cut down his workload, but was able to attend President Obama's inauguration this year. However, he suffered a seizure that day, which was attributed to exhaustion.

Kennedy's death comes just two weeks after his sister Eunice Kennedy Shriver died at 88. Kennedy is survived by wife Victoria, sister Jean Kennedy Smith, and three children, Kara Anne Kennedy, Edward Moore Kennedy, Jr., and US Representative Patrick Joseph Kennedy II, who serves the 1st Congressional district of Rhode Island.

Worshipping the Perfect Bitch at the Three-Legged Dog - Darren W. Alexander's MySpace Blog |

Worshipping the Perfect Bitch at the Three-Legged Dog - Darren W. Alexander's MySpace Blog |

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Yesterday, I wrote a blog entry on my MySpace page- yes, I have a Myspace page. The thing is I'm writing- or in the process of writing a novel or short story that centers around a bar in the Pearl District in Portland. This will obviously be something, but as with all writing, this will take time.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

It was Propofol That Killed Michael

The official cause of Michael Jackson's death, according to an unsealed affidavit released by Harris County, was the sedative propofol- marketed under the name Diprivan by pharmaceutical AstraZeneca PLC- which is used as an anesthetic. Jackson's personal physician, Conrad Murray, had administered the drug some six weeks before Jackson's death on June 25, and had administered it on the night of Jackson's passing as well. Murray will now likely face manslaughter charges and lose his medical license as well. According to NBC, Jackson took 50 milligrams of Propofol nightly for insomnia, but Murray reportedly lowered the dose when he saw that Jackson was becoming addicted to the drug. Also on the night before Jackson's death, Valium, also known as diazepam; lorazepam (marketed as Ativan and Temesta), and midazolam were administered. Those drugs were found in his system as well.

Murray is now likely to face charges of manslaughter (likely involuntary), and loss of his medical license.

I can't help but wonder why Dr. Murray couldn't have taken Michael to some rehab clinic, like Betty Ford or Hazelden, for help. Sure, Michael had insomnia, but a bit of television or a nice brisk walk would like solve that problem. Or, if those didn't help, watch some boring ass movie or read some boring ass book. Anything except living like his ex-father in law, Elvis Presley (yeah, I know. The King was already dead when Mijac married his little girl in 1994. Still, I think there was an earthquake in Memphis that day, centered around Graceland...). Think what you will about Michael, he still was a shining star and one hell of a performer, which is why a good part of me wishes that he didn't go the way of Elvis. But at least, I have some kind of closure knowing that the mystery of Jackson's death is now solved.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Porn makers criticized over lack of condoms - WMC-TV: News, Weather, Traffic, Radar, and Sports for Memphis, TN; WMCTV.com |

Porn makers criticized over lack of condoms - WMC-TV: News, Weather, Traffic, Radar, and Sports for Memphis, TN; WMCTV.com |

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Okay, this is the only time I will show porn on this...

Now that I have your attention, I must man up and say that I told a half truth. Besides, if you want to look at two people fucking, you'd have to go to one of my other blogs, The DWA Musings. And that's a private blog, in which I only let special friends go to. Otherwise, despite the fact that this blog site has a seemingly pornographic name, it's actually a hard news and opinion site(...oh, what the hell? If you're good, I just might show you a clip at the end).

Seriously, though, porn is the subject of this entry, and some AIDS advocacy group, AIDS Healthcare Foundation, isn't too fond of what's going on up in Van Nuys. It seems that our favorite porn artists (and I'm afraid that includes you, Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy) are a bit careless with those money shots. They're mad because a lot of you aren't wearing the Durexes or Trojans like you should. This despite the fact that the adult film industry requires that performers have their HIV tests every two or three months, and that anyone who carries the virus is blacklisted from ever performing those anal, fellatio/cunnilingus, etc. scenes again. The AHF could at least work with the porn industry, encourage safe sex practices, but make condoms optional. it seems to me that the AHF wants to run the industry, and act like some kind of Christian temperance league or something, instead of letting consenting- and in many instances, responsible- adults do their thing. It's almost like these stuffy types want to invade the bedroom. Well, AHF, stay the hell out of mine, and butt out on the mandatory condom rule.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Sheriff Isham Shouldn't Lose His Job Over His Affair

Last night, I talked about Marion County, Oregon Sheriff Russ Isham being forced to resign- all because he covered up an extramarital affair. In addition, Isham has to give up law his enforcement credentials, meaning that he can't be a police officer in the state of Oregon.

Isn't that a little harsh a judgment to give a man who likes to have a woman on the side? While I still think that Isham should have manned up sooner about the tryst, I'm not going to say that he was wrong for cheating on the wife- that's for him, the wife, and probably the Deity to work out (and I don't think the Deity will be as harsh on Isham as the Oregon Attorney General has been). Sure, law enforcement officers are supposed to be pillars of the community, but we do have some rotten to the core apples who need to relinquish their badges. Isham, however, doesn't come across to me as one of them. He's human. He has needs, and perhaps the wife wasn't meeting those needs. Or perhaps she was, and he needed a bit more excitement. I don't know about what goes on in Sheriff Isham's private life, and I don't give a rat's ass about what he does either, as long as no one gets hurt. It's time for us- the general public- to stop worrying about whether the sheriff or police chief is cheating on their spouses/significant others, and worry about how they're performing their jobs. Their jobs, as I see it, are hard enough already without us bitching at every wrong move- save for, perhaps a brutality case- they make.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Marion County Sheriff resigns over affair | Local News | kgw.com | News for Portland Oregon and SW Washington

Marion County Sheriff resigns over affair | Local News | kgw.com | News for Portland Oregon and SW Washington

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Marion County, Oregon Sheriff Russ Isham called it quits after an investigation by Oregon Attorney General John kroger revealed "substantial evidence of offical misconduct stemming from an extramrtial affair. Isham apparently tried to hide the tryst, which, if you ask me, is an act only a pussy would commit. as I said in the last entry, I personally find nothing wrong with extramarital affairs. But if you're in the public eye, you may want to be a bit more careful. Of course, if you want to publicize your affair, go right ahead. You'd have more balls than now ex-Sheriff Isham, and the philandering politicians I've bitched about in this blog.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Okay, John. How's Your Affair Different Than Bill Clinton's?

John Ensign, the Republican senator out of Nevada, says that he did nothing wrong when he had an affair with a member of his campaign staff- and might I say, his best friend's wife, Cynthia Hampton. But what Bill Clinton did was wrong- after all, Clinton was president when he had his little tryst with White House intern (and Lewis and Clark grad) Monica Lewinsky.

Excuse me, but do I sense a little, uh...like, hypocrisy here? Johnny boy having his affair, and it's all fine and dandy. After all, when a Republican does it, it's much ado about nothing. But let a Democrat- such as John Edwards or Eliot Spitzer, or even the man born William Jefferson Blythe IV- have one, and the entire planet gets thrown into chaos. Now many Republicans- and for that matter, Democrats- believe that the book we call the Bible is inspired of the Deity called God (in some circles, Jehovah), and that one of the "Ten Commandments" says that "Thou shalt not commit adultery". So, let me ask you, Senator Ensign, if you believe that the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery" is one of the tenets of the Republican Party, and that you believe in living by the so-called "Good Book", what in the world makes you think that fucking your friend's wife was any different than Bill Clinton receiving a blow job while in the Oval Office? Now, I'm not saying that adultery is wrong- personally, I couldn't care less, plus admittedly, I've had numerous adulterous affairs myself, and probably will have a few more before it's all said and done. But if you know that your constituents are watching every goddamned move you make, why bother having one in the first place?

The Republican Party. The party of values. Which one, who knows? But they're for "traditional" values. If you can call committing adultery while making fun of the other guy who does the same thing "traditional".

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Les Paul- The Original Guitar God

Without Les Paul, B.B. King wouldn't have Lucille. Gibson would be just another guitar company. The musical genre of rock wouldn't exist. And the Manchester, England group nicknamed the "Fab Four" wouldn't hit our shores.

When Lester William Polfus, of Waukseha, Wisconsin, first tried to create an electric guitar at thirteen, he placed a telephone receiver under the strings of an acoustic guitar. It worked a bit, but the sound was too low. A bit more tinkering, and Lester perfected the instrument enough to create the elctric guitar- and he was only fourteen. Of course, this idea was a bit "crazy"- he said that people called him a "nut", when he played it in a nightclub. Of course, somebody would get the last laugh, as Gibson created the Les Paul- named for the creator, the aforementioned Lester Polfus, who had shortened his last name to "Paul".


But Paul didn't just reinvent the guitar as we know it today, but also invented the eight-track recording, which was the start of the multi-track recording technology that exists to this day. He also created a delayed effect called tape echo. He also had a string of hits with his wife of 13 years, Mary Ford. They also had a weekly TV show in the 1950's. The two divorced in 1962, and Ford died in 1977.

But Paul was his happiest when he was performing in front of adoring fans at New York spots. Even when he became ill, Paul kept on performing, almost right to the end. Heaven obviously needed another rocker today, so they called up Les. Many a rock and blues guitarist owe a great debt to Les. Without him, music would a lot less enjoyable.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Michael Vick's Next Mistake: His Media Plan - Sports Biz with Darren Rovell - CNBC.com

Michael Vick’s Next Mistake: His Media Plan - Sports Biz with Darren Rovell - CNBC.com

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Michael Vick once had a brilliant career with the Atlanta Falcons, with 11,505 yards passing and 3,859 rushing. He is third among NFL quareterbacks in rushing. A real promising career. Too bad he thought that dog fighting was more profitable. So, after nearly two years in prison, Vick wants to return to the NFL- only no team wants him (at this point, he'll be lucky to play little league/ Pop Warner football). And even if he apologizes, there will be no fucking way in hell he'll see another NFL field (probably except as a spectator- that is, if the guards will even let him in the gates).

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.
Sports Biz with Darren Rovell, (C) 2009 CNBC

Let's Bring Back Fights in the NHL

Had Chicago Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane stayed in Chicago instead of going home to Buffalo (hear the hiss of Sabre fans- and of the ghost of Tim Russert), he wouldn't be in the fix he's in right now. Had they hired a limo instead of a cab...well, would that have made difference? Probably not.

Kane, 20 and one of his cousins, James Kane, got in a fight with a cab driver who drove for Chippewa Cab. Apparently, Pat Kane- who was drafted in the first round by the Blackhawks two seasons ago- had shorted the driver twenty cents, and the driver demanded those two dimes. The driver's nose is broken, and the Kanes are charged with theft of services, second degree robbery, and fourth degree criminal mischief. He has plead not guilty. (Click on the title for the WGRZ-TV story).

Well, this may be a solution- or it could make matters worse. Take your pick. Remember when there were fights on the ice rink during NHL games. You know, two pissed off guys battling out on the floor, just because one of them allegedly made a cheap and blatant shot against the other?Stifmeister1/YouTube
Those were the days, weren't they?

But those days are gone, and the NHL- dare I say this?- have become a bit pussified. Oh, sure, the wealthy among us pay for those seat licenses and amenities that make watching three periods (and if necessary, sudden death matches) worthwhile. But the NHL took away the one thing that fans really came for. The brawls! The bloodbaths! Kill the fucking bastard! I think it's time those in-game boxing matches on the rink made a return. Let us watch two- or more- guys go at it, releasing their frustrations during the match, so when the match is over, they go home- or to a bar- and sing happy songs with some stripper (or other female fans). Just remember, guys. There are plenty of hot girls dying to carry a hockey player's baby, so if on girl's not available, go to the next one.

There. Problem solved.

Just a suggestion.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Accused shooter of Chargers' Brinkley in jail

Accused shooter of Chargers' Brinkley in jail

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The accused shooter of San Diego Chargers rookie Chris Brinkley, Anthony Peterson, thought that he had shot at a romantic rival he had sought, but apparently shot Brinkley in a case of mistaken identity. Peterson had been dating Brinkley's sister, and obviously was very possessive- or not. No matter what he's charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault, and other charges, and he's due for a hearing on August 19. Brinkley is in stable condition at an area hospital.

Click on the bottom title link for the ESPN story.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Premature Dead Baby Boy Cries, "Wait a Sec!"

Nothing causes more grief than a parent losing a child. And that was the case in Asuncion, Paraguay.

The baby boy was born prematurely and was later declared dead by doctors after medics tried revive him. So the family brought the boy home for burial when all in a sudden the kid cried out, "Don't even go there!" Okay, so the boy didn't do this, but just as the grieving father, Jose Alvarenga, opened the coffin, the boy was breathing.

The boy's back n the hospital in stable condition.

The father probably thought, "I'm going nuts here. My precious boy is dead." But when Jose opened the coffin, junior grabbed him by the collar "You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you?", Okay, kidding. But the parents are very overjoyed and blessed that the (as-of-yet) unnamed son is among them. Might I suggest naming the son Milagro, for "miracle"?

Click on the title for the Daily Mail story.
(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

_Master

Billy Mays Here For Cocaine

The cause of Billy Mays death being cocaine had me surprised. After all, according to news reports that were released on June 28- the day of Mays' death- he had no history of drug abuse. He did have a history of heart disease, but a drug habit, Bill? Not cocaine, at least. Well, it's a little late to say this now, but no wonder he was so hyped up.

Comes to show how much we, the endearing fans, know about the celebrities we love and worship (Lindsay Lohan and Megan Fox notwithstanding). Mays seemed so clean cut, so full of joie de vivre. We never expected him to be a coke addict, but here it is. Just read the toxicology report: http://media.tbo.com/pdf/maystox.pdf , and the autopsy report: http://media.tbo.com/pdf/maysautopsy.pdf .

At least, we have some sense of closure. Or do we?

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Billy Mays Toxicology Report Released

Billy Mays Toxicology Report Released

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See the next entry for my take on these findings.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. News Report: (C) 2009 WFLA-TV, All Rights Reserved

Jenny Sanford- Soon To Be Ex-First Lady?

Looks like South Carolina first lady Jenny Sanford is taking the first steps toward being an "ex"- as in "ex-First Lady", and "ex-wife" of that lovable hunk of love, Governor Mark Sanford. As we all know, Mr. Sanford lied to the constituents of the Palmetto State weeks ago when he said that he was hiking the Appalachians, which I'm sure are somewhere in South America. In Argentina, I think. I'm not sure. Anyway, he made the confession that he was seeing his Argentine girlfriend, Maria Belen Chapur (cue the bluegrass tango music, in honor of Mr. Sanford's Appalachian tango...oh, okay, so Buenos Aires is the capital of South Carolina...no? Well, it looks like Columbia. At least, Mr. Sanford thinks so, right?)

The governor says that he supports Jenny's packing her bags and moving back to the family residence on Sullivans Island. She said that she's continuing the healing process, as she recovers from Mark's philandering- c'mon, Jen! He was on official business in Argentina, remember?...wait...I mean, the Appalachians.

Jenny, confess to your best friend Darren here, you're dumping the son of a bitch. He already said that he loves Maria, and that you're a old sow that's in the way. Yes, he said that he'll try to love you, but, honey, face it! Your marriage is in such a state where you're singing along with the 1980s group The Motels (for the link to the video to "Take The L", just click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooi8Cnb1fx0). Keep your head high as you deliver this bum his divorce papers. Then, you can do your own little tango.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Never Eat After Committing a Burglary

Hey, all you burglars and home invaders out there, when you get done burglarizing somebody's home, don't stick around to stuff your faces. Or you'll face the same fate that Thomas Allen Wilcox is facing now.

On Tuesday of this week, Wilcox broke into a house, raped a woman and- in a brilliant act of machismo- threatened to sexually assault the woman's six-year-old daughter as well.

As heinous as this crime was, Wilcox's next crime will go down as hilarious and dumb. After attacking the woman, Wilcox ate an entire roasted chicken the woman left for her fiance, then ran off (with the woman's laptop computer in tow) when the fiance arrived home. The fiance called police at around 2:30 AM, and gave police a good description of Wilcox. Wilcox was apprehended a half hour later by Lt. John Smith, of the Portland Police, who drove in an unmarked car. Of course, Wilcox denied having committed any crime, but Smith noticed the dangling laptop cord from Wilcox's pocket (the laptop was found in a nearby bush).

But here's the proof of the stupidity of Mr. Wilcox. Remember the roasted chicken he ate? Well, he puked it up while in custody.

Wilcox faces a laundry list of charges: three counts of first degree burglary, one count each of first degree rape, first degree sodomy, attempted first degree sodomy, first degree robbery, and first degree theft. What makes this story even better is the fact that his DNA is in the state database, since he has prior convictions for theft, arson, criminal trespass, and sale of marijuana.

My, what a fucking smart man this Tommy Wilcox is.

Click on the title for the story from OregonLive.com. Also watch this story at: http://www.kgw.com/video/index.html?nvid=386774&shu=1
(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

"Brat Pack" Director John Hughes Dead at 59

simonetti2007/Paramount Pictures Corporation/YouTube

That was a scene from one of my favorite John Hughes movies, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". Who better than Ferris (Matthew Broderick) himself to dance to the Beatles? The writer and director of this classic comedy was John Hughes, who wrote and directed numerous of 1980s teen hit movies such as "Sixteen Candles"; "The Breakfast Club"- another one of my favorites- which starred Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, and Judd Nelson, among others.

Here's the trailer for the film:

JamesDeanRebel/Universal Pictures/YouTube

He also written and produced two of the "Home Alone" films, and written 1983's "National Lampoon's Vacation", which was based upon his short story in "National Lampoon" magazine about his family's hilarious ill-fated trip to Disneyland. Hughes made other very successful films in the 1980s and 1990s, such as 1987's "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles", starring the late John Candy and Steve Martin as a mismatched traveling pair- the "pillow" scene still makes me laugh to this day.

Punchbear/Paramount Pictures Corporation/YouTube

Hughes started out as an advertising copywriter before branching out to Hollywood. He created the Edge shaving cream "Credit Card Shaving Test".

Hughes went on to write for the 1979 TV sitcom "Delta House", before his first produced screenplay 1982's "Class Reunion", also a product of "National Lampoon", was released.

Hughes suffered a fatal heart attack while walking in Manhattan today. He was 59, and is survived by his wife of 39 years, Nancy and his sons John and James, and four grandchildren.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

George Soldini Hates Mom

In the last entry, I talked about one part of the reasons George Soldini killed three women and wounded 15 others- including a pregnant instructor (the instructor survived). What I neglected to mention is that he apparently has an 18-year-old child running around on the planet somewhere. Whether that's true or no, we'll know soon enough.

In his blog, which you can read by clicking here at http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/slideshow/news/20292141/detail.html , or, if you prefer to read the entire eight page excerpt, click here for the link from CNN: http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/08/05/sodini.pdf . Soldini blames his mother and his older brother, Michael Soldini, for his screw-ups. I'll quote a few lines, which I got from the ABC News website (http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/Story?id=8258001&page=2 ):

Mum- The Central Boss...Don't piss her off or she will be mad and vindictive for years. She actually thinks she's normal. Very dominant...A power and control thing...She is the Boss above all Bosses.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this was a line from an episode of "The Sopranos". Perhaps Mr. Soldini had some kind of Mafia fantasy or something? I don't know.

Michael Soldini- A Boss, my brother...Always the big bully, twice the size of most others. When he bullied or harassed someone, it was the other person who "deserved it"...The biggest, most self-centered jagoff (sic) I know.

The most interesting mention- before "Mum"- is for the Tetelestai church in Pittsburgh: ...This guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder and still go to heaven. Ask him.

You know, George, I think I will. I'll get back with you on that.

(I had attempted to contact the church via e-mail, but I'm afraid that I'll have to call them. Of course, if any pf these Tetelestai church guys want to comment, feel free, guys).

I can't say that George had a fucked-up childhood, after all, I never met the man. But even if his formative years were a bit less than that, this doesn't mean that he couldn't change and become more productive. At least, he was success in business, working at the L&K Gates law firm in Pittsburgh, so obviously, his mother did her best to raise him right. I'm sure that she was proud to know he was successful in life- of course, she was probably hoping that he would get a wife. Who knows?

But in the end, George Soldini was responsible for his own failures. As I said in the last entry, this guy didn't seem to be doing bad, and if it wasn't for the fact that he had some hang ups about his dating life- or lack thereof- perhaps he would have made a great husband and father.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Pennsylvania LA Fitness Gym Shooter Kept Online Diary in Plotting the Attack - ABC News/WTAE-TV News

Pennsylvania LA Fitness Gym Shooter Kept Online Diary in Plotting the Attack - ABC News

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Subtitle: "'Cause the Bible Told Me To Shoot These Bitches"

As I'm reading this story about George Sodini, the pussy who decided to go into a gym in Pittsburgh, and shoot 18 women- including a pregnant woman- my blood is boiling over why he did this. Furthermore, this bozo was a member of the LA Fitness club on Washington Pike in Collier Township. How stupid can he get? The fucked up thing is he had been planning this for a year, which to me is a mighty long time to be carrying any grudges- let alone a lifetime hating mom and his older brother.

Let ask this. Why did Mr. Sodini feel that he was a reject? I read parts of his blog and diary entries as I was eating lunch- no girlfriend in 25 years. No sex in 19. But if you would look at the May 18, 2009 entry, he did have a date, so there seemed to be some kind of hope for him, as there was another invitation for a date from another woman (you can also look at the contents at the WTAE-TV/DT website http://www.thepittsburghchannel.com/slideshow/20292141/detail.html ) Seems like this guy- who had plenty of money, a good job as a systems analyst at the Pittsburgh law firm K&L Gates (he even mentioned that he got a raise and promotion- even in this "shitty Obama economy". Though I'd have to say that I seriously doubt that our current Commander in Chief has started the "shitty economy" shtick), quite attractive, and obviously knows how to keep himself up- had some major self esteem issues. He was expecting to bat 1.000, but he only had an average of, I guess .250 before taking a major plunge. It seems to me that he wanted some younger women, 18 to 25 (perhaps to be their sugar daddy? Just a thought...).

From what I've read, Mr. Soldini focused only on his failures- his failure to walk up and meet/greet women, and what seems to be wrong with the world today- instead of his successes, such as the date he went on with the unidentified woman the week before Memorial Day. I can't help but wonder how that turned out. Did the woman start getting close to him, and he got scared? Or did he screw things up and fucked up any chances of future dates? Who knows? But the thing is this guy seemed to have everything, which is why I cannot understand why he had to shoot up 18 women. Yes, us guys- and gals- get rejected from time to time. And yes, we all have our self-esteem issues, too. I'll admit that I'm a shy person, but I'm working on getting rid of that. Having said this, George Soldini's shouldn't have gone as far as they did last night. There had to have been at least one confidant he could have talked to, and had that confidant seen the warning signs- and I'll make clear that I'm not blaming any friends of Mr. Soldini- perhaps he may have gotten the help he needed. And eighteen women- including the three fatalities- would be still be dancing in class at the LA Fitness.

Feel free to click above for access to the ABC News (below the title) and (on the title) WTAE websites. Below is a press conference from WTAE and CNN:




(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

George Sodini Blog, LA Fitness Shooting Planned in Online Diary - FULL BLOG TEXT - ABC News

George Sodini Blog, LA Fitness Shooting Planned in Online Diary - FULL BLOG TEXT - ABC News

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I'm currently working on a larger entry here, but for those interested, ABC News has the full text of George Sodini's blog entries. ABC has removed the words "nigger" and "bitch", and a few other expletives.

All I can say is that this was one sad fuck.

Entry: (C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander.
Report: (C) 2009 by ABC News. All Rights Reserved.

Republican Tennessee State Senator Bites the Dust (Due to Lust...Hell, It Rhymes!)

It's the continuation of the domino effect involving those crusaders of values, faith, and the American Way. Yes, true believers, another Republican politician has fallen prey to the evils of temptation.

This time, it's a Tennessee state senator named Paul Stanley...

19NecroN85/YouTube

(Darren to Control Room)No, you fucking idiots, not THAT Paul Stanley! This one...what?...the pussy's too camera shy? Well, you're just gonna have to click to the video link below then:

http://www.wmctv.com/global/category.asp?c=151146&clipId=&topVideoCatNo=15040&topVideoCatNoB=124083&topVideoCatNoC=105461&topVideoCatNoD=124506&topVideoCatNoE=124957&autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=3995217&flvUri=

Mr. Stanley, who bitched about having sex outside of marriage- be it fornicating or having those patented adulterous affairs- has been embroiled in a little tryst of his own. with his 22 year old intern named McKensie Morrison. The senator, whose district is based in the Memphis suburb of Germantown, got caught with his pants down (figuratively...and likely, literally) when another guy who's been porking McKensie found photographs of his girlfriend and Senator Stanley and tried to extort Stanley (see the PDF here: http://www.wsmv.com/download/2009/0722/20138203.pdf ). Tennessee Bureau of Investigation was notified, and Joel Watts was arrested. But Mr. Stanley himself was under the gun, and was pressured to resign his state senator job, which he will do one week from today. It must be noted that Senator Stanley opposed unmarried couples- and particularly gays and lesbians- from adopting children. he sponsored a bill this year to bar unmarried people from adopting. It failed miserably in committee.

Looks like his efforts to save his marriage to Kristi will also fail in committee- likely in a Shelby County courtroom near you. Memphis, get ready for some drama.

By the way, Paul Stanley of KISS should kick the one in Tennessee's ass- just for disgracing his name.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

My Dick's Stuck To My Stomach

FADE IN:
INT. DARREN'S OFFICE- DAY
Your humble douchebag correspondent, DARREN ALEXANDER, finishes up a sentence on his laptop. He faces the camera.

DARREN: Greetings, scandal lovers. Last night, I talked briefly on the poor bastard who got beat up by his three lovers- and his wife. The four, Therese A. Zieman; Michelle Belliveau; Wendy Sewell; and the wife (unidentified thanks to the cocksucker husband who is a sexual assault victim) are charged with false imprisonment and one of the women faces a fourth degree sexual assault charge...excuse me...

DARREN: Uh...Cathy. What are you doing?
Cathy reaches inside and strokes Darren.
DARREN: Ah, yes. That feels--OUCH! Damn, woman. what's the matter with you?
CATHY: You've cheated on me with that bitch Nicole for the last time.

Cathy slaps Darren across the face.
DARREN: Can't you see I'm in the middle of a show here?
CATHY: Oh, I'm sure that your audience wouldn't mind (to camera) Would you audience?
DARREN: Security? Somebody get Cat off the stage.

FEMALE SECURITY GUARD #1 struts in and takes out her handcuffs.
DARREN (TO GUARD): That's right. Escort--
Security guard# 1 handcuffs Darren.
DARREN: I said handcuff Cathy here, not me. (to camera) Folks, you get the feeling that this entry's not going well? Anyway, the four women each face six years in jail for kicking the poor saps' ass and--(to Cathy)Aha! we're making a porno, aren't we? You dirty girl--(Cathy punches Darren)Are you out of your rabbit ass mind? (to camera) Excuse me while I attempt to talk sense to her...

FADE OUT:

nzoz1985/YouTube
FADE IN:
INT. DARREN'S OFFICE- DAY
Darren is tied up.
Cathy and Female Security Guard #1 are joined by three more females- the aforementioned NICOLE, the second being Darren's ex-fiancee DEBBIE, and the other, Darren's sister Renee.
DARREN: Okay, I'm back and---damn it, Renee, I'm your favorite brother. Will you let your big brother out of this--
Renee kicks Darren in the knee
DARREN: OW! Nee-nee!(say "nay-nay")
RENEE: You were always a douchebag.
DARREN: Like Josh wasn't?
RENEE: Josh is the nicer of you two...prick.
DARREN: That's...um, very nice of you, Renostacles (the crazy nicknames we come up for siblings when we were kids...to camera) I see I'm not going to get any help from family here (to Debbie) Oh, Deb-Deb, I still love you. Even after twenty years (Darren sings- quite badly) I'm still in love with--
Debbie slams Darren's head on his desk.
DEBBIE: You weren't all that good in--
DARREN (TO Debbie): Okay, I get the picture. But you know I still love you.
Nicole- Darren's current girlfriend- places a choke hold on Darren.
NICOLE (to Darren): What the fuck did you say?
DARREN (to Nicole): I mean you, baby. You, I love.
CATHY: make up your mind, Casanova.
DEBBIE: Yeah! Make up your mind.
NICOLE: Which one of us do you want to fuck more? Me? Debbie? Cathy?
Cathy hovers a tube of Krazy Glue over Darren.
CATHY (to the other women): Girls, I think it's time we glued it shut.
Cathy places the tube hole over Darren's mouth. Darren shakes his head violently.
Cathy and Renee glance at each other- with icy grins.
CATHY: Stroke him, Nikki.
DARREN: Hope for me after all.
Nicole lovingly waxes Darren's general.
Cathy squirts Krazy Glue on Darren's cock. Darren's eyes bulge.
CATHY (to Nicole): That's right. Stroke it, baby girl.
DARREN (to camera): This is not in the script, people!
Debbie and Renee punch Darren in the face, as Cathy strangles him.
Nicole slams Darren's cock to his stomach.
NICOLE (to Darren): That'll teach you not to fuck with us.
DARREN: Are you bitches out of your minds? Wait until I get my hands on you cunts!
Nicole, Cathy, and Debbie all do faux lap dances on Darren
nickles1284/MTV/YouTube

DARREN: The august agency that represents me. Bastards. Anyway, the husband ended up like...uh...this...it's...it's...oh, goddamnit! They may as well welded my cock...why me, God? WHYYYYYYY?!

Okay, so the script's- and the acting's- kind of tacky. But I thought I'd have a little fun with this. The story, which you can look at by just clicking on the link in the "NFTHE-Twitter Updates" (the one to the left of "The man...the wife...and the 3 pissed-off lovers") to the story from the Appleton (Wisconsin) Post-Crescent.

As for me, I think I'm going to have to get a knife...or a crowbar.

Disclaimer: No Darrens were harmed in the making of this production.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Scorned Women Seek Revenge on Three-Timer - ABC News

Scorned Women Seek Revenge on Three-Timer - ABC News

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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But one Wisconsin man who had been dating three women- and was married to a fourth- found out that you don't mess with a bitch with a hard-on. Let alone four.

As I looked at the story- which you can see just by clicking on the title for the link at ABC News- I grabbed my nads, and thought OUCH! This guy's fucking with four women, and breaking their hearts? Bet he's wishing that he just stayed with the wife.
Look, if you're gonna sleep around with other women, guys, might I suggest, one, make sure the marriage is deader than a doornail- in fact, wait until the divorce is final before doing dipping into some other woman's honeypot. Two, if you're gonna date different women, you may want to do this in different parts of town- Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York are all large enough where you can carry on affairs without the other women knowing (just make sure you scream the right name when you're playing WWE wrestling under the sheets). Of course, some women don't mind if her man dates other women- just let her know who the other babes are. Besides, if you do thinks right, you may find yourself in the middle of a lesbian kiss-and-fuck fest. And the beauty of this is that you may be able to join in, and get three (or more) for the price of one.

Obviously, this cat got his three for one- except it's four times the pain.

Blog Entry: (C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander.
Report: (C) 2009 by ABC News. All Rights Reserved.

Braswell, Georgia: Crooksville USA?

WSB-TV reporter Richard Belcher went down to Braswell, northwest of Atlanta in Paulding County, to question the city leaders about city funds. Now, Braswell is this tiny dot on the map, with about 80 people (some accounts say that the city's population is as high as 200, but I think 80 is a more realistic number), and hardly has enough folks to call itself a city- let alone have a little league baseball team. The city manager, Alan Fennell, didn't cotton to the idea of WSB's camera rolling:

CHASEDBYPOPO/WSB-TV, Atlanta/YouTube

My impression of the whole ball of wax is that Braswell has something that it doesn't want the rest of the country- let alone metro Atlanta- to know about. Otherwise, he wouldn't have threatened Belcher with a neck wringing. I guess that's another example of "politics as usual".

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

And Who's Playing the Race Card Now?

Okay, President Obama went a bit overboard when he said that the Cambridge Police acted irresponsibly in the arrest of his friend, Harvard professor Henry Gates. The president since admitted that he didn't have all the facts- after all, like everyone, he's human. So tonight, the three parties- the president, the professor and the arresting officer, Sergeant James Crowley of the Cambridge police- sat down over beer tonight and had a dialog. It seems to have gone okay from what I've seen.

However, one person seems to want to play the race card, and it appears that he's been doing this much as of late. It seems like conservative radio commentator Glenn Beck either has a hard-on for the president, or he just one pissed off son of a bitch. Click here for the Air America link to hear Beck's tirades, and Ron Reagan's response: http://www.airamerica.com/ronreagan/blog/2009/jul/29/ron-reagan-rant-glenn-beck-racism-unhinged

And I thought only white people were racists.

All joking aside, it seems like Beck has nothing better to do than to commiserate over the loss of John McCain in last year's presidential campaign, and mourn over the fact that the ramrodding party that the GOP and many business leaders have held has ended. Beck...he's just some paranoid, "the sky is falling" freak show.

Get over yourself, Glenn.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

San Antonio Mother Plays Hannibal Lecter

I'm fucking freaked by the story coming out of San Antonio, about the mother of a three-week old son. Otty Sanchez apparently sliced her son, Wesley Buckholtz Sanchez, apart, and ate his brain- and possibly other body parts.

Where is Thomas Harris- author of the novels "Silence of the Lambs"; "Hannibal", and "Hannibal Rising", among others? Probably too freaked to even consider writing a story about this female version of his vicious genius character. I know I'd be.

Ms. Sanchez herself is at a San Antonio hospital, under suicide watch.

Click on the title for the story from KENS 5 TV. Meanwhile, I've got to reach for the (bleeeegh!) trash can.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Shame On You, New York Post (Where Can I Get More Photos Like This?)

The Erin Andrews debacle has brought on- once again- the firestorm of female journalists (and for that matter, celebrities) and the ogling that sometimes goes too far. This one, of course, concerns a couple peephole videos of a nude Andrews taking care of business (such as ironing her shirt, etc). And now those bastards at the New York Post decided to post the video in question, which you can see from the Post article ESPN HOTTIE ERIN ANDREWS IN PEEP SHOCKER

Now why would they do such a thing? Many personalities are asking the question, "Why is the Post disrespecting Ms. Andrews? Her privacy was violated and she's staying off the air like a scared kitten. Okay, so let's give her time to recover, true. But I think Ms. Andrews should have instead dusted herself off, gone back on ESPN, and told these assholes where to cram it. Adding an entire box of Morton salt to the wound, it's alleged that someone from her own network may have been behind the recent juvenile behavior of playing voyeur (probably while waxing his general or petting her Snoopy- hey, not all pervs are male, you know...for all I know, the person was probably some jealous female ESPN staffer who did this unspeakable deed).

Of course, I would've liked to have seen the video myself. Except that I may have invited some malware in my laptop- and not seen Erin's tits. sorry, but some things are just not worth damaging my computer for.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Erin Andrews Must Return to the Airwaves

Erin Andrews was a victim of an apparent peeping tom several days ago. Furthermore, the fuckfaces who placed her naked body all over the web had intended to place malware on our computers, thus ruining them. Fortunately for me, I didn't fall for this. After all, there is this saying, "If it's too good to be true..."

This morning, I added a message on my Twitter page- contents in which you can read above. The thing is that Ms. Andrews needs to give a big fat middle finger to those dickless pervs who, one, violated her privacy, and two, didn't have the balls to just come up to her and say "hi". She needs to return to ESPN and show these morons that she's much more bolder than they are. She is pursuing criminal charges, and that's very good, but she just needs to get in front of the camera, and look straight into it as if she's talking to these fucks, and let them have it! And when these nimrods are found, and are convicted, look them straight in the eye, give them a loud "fuck you!", and just let them have it.

Look, being a female journalist- let alone hot female celebrity- is hard enough as it is. Sure, the Lindsay Lohans of the world deal with it by having dysfunctional bisexual relationships and Hollywood careers (but that's a different subject, preferably for the sister blog, The Trash Bash). They have to deal with us guys drooling over the pictures, and picturing them outside those clothes. They have to deal with sometimes not being taken seriously. Sadly- and sometimes tragically- they also have to deal with psychotic fans who step over the line and actually send letters incessantly; get pissed because they feel rejected, and in extreme cases, kill them- the man who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer from the CBS sitcom "My Sister Sam" comes to mind.

But in closing, the vast majority of female personalities can stand up to these jerk. And I'm telling you now that Ms. Andrews will only be stronger by the experience- and those pervs will be ogled and violated 24/7 at some prison.

A quick note: This blog is now on Twitter. You can see what I put down here at this blog, or you can go to my Twitter page mydearalex@twitter.com.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Walter Cronkite: An American News Legend

He guided us through the Kennedy assassination, then was awed- like the rest of America- on the first moonwalk (on which the 40th anniversary of that historic event is only two days away. He even- albeit indirectly- influenced an American president. And like the man who would convince him to join CBS, an award is named after him. But most important, he was the news person on which subsequent news anchors would be measured by.

The man, Walter Leland Cronkite, Jr., was known for his straightforward, no-bullshit style of anchoring. Cronkite started as a reporter at the Houston Post, as a general assignment reporter and he also did some sportscasting in Oklahoma City. He covered World War II, as part of a group of reporters called "Writing 69th", which covered bombings in Germany, and later, the trials in Nuremberg, Germany. after this, he worked for the United Press International. Edward R. Murrow- who many still consider one of the greatest news personalities (of course, an award is named after Mr. Murrow) offered Cronkite a chance to work at CBS. Cronkite turned it down, but ever the persistent man of encouragement, Murrow tried again, and this time- in 1950- Cronkite took the bait. And the timing was good, as the new medium of television was taking shape. He hosted the show "You are There", which was a re-enactment series of key historic events. Although actors played Sigmund Freud or Joan of Arc, Cronkite made it look real. In the early days of his CBS tenure, he also hosted "The Morning Show", with a puppet named Charlemagne (I guess they were trying to create a morning version of the iconic Ed Sullivan's partnering with Topo). But in the 1952 and 1956 political conventions, Cronkite did what he did best, serious field reporting. He also narrated the documentary series "Twentieth Century".

When he replaced Douglas Edwards in 1961 as anchor of the "CBS Evening News", expectations were not high. After all, Edwards held the fort for several years. However, in 1963, the newscast was expanded to 30 minutes, and Cronkite was given an additional title he had long fought for- Managing Editor. Now CBS was on its way to being taken seriously. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Cronkite interviewed Kennedy at the president's compound. But then, a defining moment took place two months later. November 22, 1963, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was en route to a luncheon in Dallas. a motorcade had drove through Dallas city center, when around 12:30 PM Central Time (10:30 Pacific, 1:30 Eastern), Cronkite broke into the broadcast of the soap "As the World Turns" with this:

maxpowers518/YouTube/CBS News

Later, he barely held his emotions as he delivered the woeful news:

maxpowers518/CBS News/YouTube

Cronkite's audience grew- and viewers made that perfectly clear when the Tiffany network (one of CBS' nicknames) tried to replace Cronkite with Roger Mudd and Robert Trout in 1964 during the Democratic National Convention. But it would be in 1966 when he would overtake the legendary NBC team of Chet Huntley and David Brinkley. From 1967 to his retirement in 1981, Cronkite would be number one in the Nielsen ratings for newscasts.

Before he went to Vietnam in 1968, he was a supporter of the War. But when he came back, gave a scathing assessment, which he explains in a 1996 interview with the Newseum:

Newseum/YouTube

This commentary would so influence the decision of President Lyndon Baines Johnson, who said, "If I've lost Cronkite, I've lost America." Johnson decided not to run for re-election.

The next year would be a jubilant one for Cronkite. Cronkite was long a fan of the space program, and on July 20, 1969- the fortieth anniversary of that iconic event coming up on Monday- the man could not contain his excitement. Here is some footage from the 27 hour broadcast. Note that on some of the clips, Cronkite doesn't speak, but let the excitement speak for itself:

Videoholic50sthru70s/YouTube

He was even prepared for breaking news, such as the case here from this clip from 1973, when he learned of the death of former President Johnson:
robatsea2008/YouTube/CBS News

Cronkite was "the most trusted man in America", according to many polls take over the years. But world leaders seemed to have taken notice. In 1977, the president of Egypt, Anwar El-Sadat told Cronkite:

The next day, Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin invited Sadat to Jerusalem. The move would bring on the accords at Camp David, and the Israeli-Egyptian treaty. Could one say that Cronkite had anything to do with this? Who knows?

In 1981, Cronkite decided that he had enough of the anchor chair:

librarianbe/YouTube/CBS News

The late, great Johnny Carson does a hilarious- yet touching- tribute to Uncle Walter in this clip from "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson":videoholic1980s/YouTube?Carson Productions

A comedy great playing a news great. Don't see much of that anymore, do we?

Cronkite's replacement, Dan Rather, who would hold down the fort for 24 years. But Cronkite wouldn't leave CBS completely. He did a short-lived magazine program called "Walter Cronkite's Universe" shortly after he left the anchor desk; some documentary- including one for rival CNN (on the space program, no doubt); and had a seat on the CBS board of directors (perhaps they should've listened to uncle Walt and told Katie Couric to keep her skinny ass on the "Today" show on NBC. That girl is just so not cut out for network news anchoring...).

Cronkite was married to the former Mary Elizabeth Maxwell for 65 years- she passed on in 2005. Out of this union, three children- Nancy; Kathy; and Walter (Chip) Cronkite III. After Betsy's passing, Cronkite dated opera singer Joanna Simon, the older sister of singer Carly Simon. He is also survived by four grandchildren.

Over the past several weeks, we we've suffered through major losses- Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, even NFL great Steve McNair. But like Jackson, Cronkite had a cult following. He was to news as Jackson was to music. To paraphrase the old EF Hutton commercials, when Walter Cronkite spoke, people listened. And as you saw in the clip on the Vietnam War, Cronkite was not afraid to speak his mind. Oh, sure, he had his critics, but they were so few because Cronkite gave the news with integrity, without bias, and with truth. No matter how hard today's generation tries to emulate him, there will never be another news person like Walter Cronkite. Brian Williams of NBC and Charles Gibson of ABC may come close (Katie Couric...go host "The Early Show". Perhaps you'll drag their ratings down further. I told you, her ass should've stayed at NBC and "Today"...). But Walter Cronkite- like his colleague Edward Murrow- truly deserves to be called "icon", and he made the job of being news anchor honorable. Cronkite was a class act, always professional, right down to the end.

And that's the way it is.

For more on his remarkable life and career, just click on the title, where you'll go directly to the tribute from CBS News.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.