Hey, all you burglars and home invaders out there, when you get done burglarizing somebody's home, don't stick around to stuff your faces. Or you'll face the same fate that Thomas Allen Wilcox is facing now.
On Tuesday of this week, Wilcox broke into a house, raped a woman and- in a brilliant act of machismo- threatened to sexually assault the woman's six-year-old daughter as well.
As heinous as this crime was, Wilcox's next crime will go down as hilarious and dumb. After attacking the woman, Wilcox ate an entire roasted chicken the woman left for her fiance, then ran off (with the woman's laptop computer in tow) when the fiance arrived home. The fiance called police at around 2:30 AM, and gave police a good description of Wilcox. Wilcox was apprehended a half hour later by Lt. John Smith, of the Portland Police, who drove in an unmarked car. Of course, Wilcox denied having committed any crime, but Smith noticed the dangling laptop cord from Wilcox's pocket (the laptop was found in a nearby bush).
But here's the proof of the stupidity of Mr. Wilcox. Remember the roasted chicken he ate? Well, he puked it up while in custody.
Wilcox faces a laundry list of charges: three counts of first degree burglary, one count each of first degree rape, first degree sodomy, attempted first degree sodomy, first degree robbery, and first degree theft. What makes this story even better is the fact that his DNA is in the state database, since he has prior convictions for theft, arson, criminal trespass, and sale of marijuana.
My, what a fucking smart man this Tommy Wilcox is.
Click on the title for the story from OregonLive.com. Also watch this story at: http://www.kgw.com/video/index.html?nvid=386774&shu=1
(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.
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