Two For the Price Of One

The economy is in the loo. But that doesn't mean that cheatin' spouses aren't cheating less- it's just that the economy is forcing unhappily married couples to stay together.

Those cheating couples are getting more public in showing their hanky panky- why spend $30 for a four-hour room at one of those "no-tell" roach motels, when they can rock the truck (or car), or even make out at the park? Me? I'm thinking "menage a trois"- you know, I sleep with both my wife and the woman I'm cheating with. Who knows? Perhaps my wife could explore- or even relive those- girl on girl sex. Either way, I have my fun, my wife has a new BFF- and it could even possibly save my marriage, because I can experiment on my affair partner, then try out the positions and motions on the wife later. An in-house sex therapist, come to think of it.

Of course, for you husbands with cheating wives, the same rule applies. Just substitute "wife's boyfriend" for "girlfriend" (unless, of course, the wife is having a lesbian affair, or the husband is having a gay affair...still, could work out if you do it right).

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Darren, you're out of your rabbit ass bitch mind. If my spouse ever so much peeks at another person, I'm gouging her/his eyes out (and probably deprive said spouse of genitalia)." But, come on, you can't dump the bum/bitch because you'll spend much more moo-freaky than you want to on Divorce Court. Then, there's the child support- and a lot of men (and a good number of you female readers as well)- know how that is. And don't forget alimony, and you're talking major financial sodomy (OUCH!).

Sure, it's cheaper to keep her (or him). But if you're very miserable with your spouse, perhaps we could petition for a ballot measure to allow italian-style divorces (at least, private cremation is free, right?), if not just telling the bum/bitch to hit the road.

Just a couple suggestions.

(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.