How To Enslave OJ Simpson

Man, I believe that the Goldman family has it out for one Orenthal J. Simpson- no relation to Homer and his clan of Springfield, Oregon.

What's going on here, you ask?

Well, as we all know, about 11 years ago, OJ Simpson was acquitted of murder. He was charged with killing his ex-wife Nicole and a friend of hers, Ronald Goldman. Believing that the 1968 Heisman trophy winner out of USC, and Buffalo Bills and San Francisco 49ers great got away with murder, Fred Goldman- Ron's father- and the remainder of the Goldman family decided to stick it to The Juice. A judge found OJ liable for the deaths, and decided that he pay $33.5 Million to the Brown and Goldman families.

Having not gotten the full amount yet, the Goldmans are now looking at one avenue that, to many, seems unique.

They want to own his likeness; his image; even his name. After all, even as Mr. Simpson is a pariah these days (come on, did anyone from Hey, ,
Get Me Off This Island! I'm A Celebrity come asking for him? Not even the reality shows are knocking at his door ,and his pay-per-view answer to MTV's Punk'd, Juiced, tanked...), he's still an icon. Any money OJ makes- outside his $25,000/month
NFL pension and his half-million home in Florida- the Goldmans want until OJ's been, well, juiced. After they get their moolah, then they'll leave him alone.

You have to admit, 11 years is a bit too long to be holding a grudge. Whether Orenthal killed Nikki and Ron or no, not many folks care anymore. If anything, perhaps OJ should be given another chance, so he can pay these folks (with portions of the money he makes from appearances and acting and reality TV jobs. Leave some for him, after all, the man's gotta eat and keep up with the mortgage, too) and get them out of his ass hairs.

The sooner, the better for all parties involved.