Could a Smoking Ban Be Coming to a _________ Near You?

This is a 'gray area' subject for me, I must warn you. After all, I consider myself an ex-smoker, yet I must confess that every once in a blue moon, I may sneak in a puff or two (especially if I'm enjoying a pretty good libation- and/or if I'm trying to get inside some woman's pants/skirt...anyway...).

The subject here is smoking bans, and about 2,200 jurisdictions in the US have bans on smoking in the workplace; in bars and bowling alleys. Some- such as the one in Washington State (just 10 miles up the road from where I'm at- in good ol' Moscow On the Willamette- Portland, Oregon) won't allow you to smoke within 25 feet of a building's entrance. Which means that the only place you can puff that Camel or Marlboro is in the middle of, say, C Street in the Vancouver city center. (Of course, there's this ban here in Multnomah County, Oregon- where Portland is located- this Ordinanace 937 that stopped this blog's author and (then) fellow smokers from smoking at that Wash World on Southeast belmosnt and 28th (it became law about 7 years ago...).

Now the anti-smoking nazis are at it again (I don't think that they stopped in the first place, to be honest). In my birth state of Ohio, there is this ballot measure, Issue 5 (what we call a 'measure' in Oregon, Ohio calls an 'issue', but both 'issue' and 'measure' are one in the same) called Smoke Free OhioThis measure, if passed, will ban smoking in workplaces, bars, race tracks (yes, Ohio has tons of them!); bingo parlors; even radio and TV stations (though I honestly don't know what banning smoking in media outlets has to do with the whole ball of wax here...). Go to the website http://www.smokefreeohio.org/oh/default.aspx for more information.

Then, there's the competing ballot measure, Issue 4, Smoke Less Ohio. It's pretty much the same, except with Issue 4, you can smoke in the bars, bingo halls. Otherwise, like Issue 5, it calls for a uniform smoking ban. There is a comparison chart between the two measures you can go to (at http://www.smokelessohio.com/SLO-SFO-comparison.pdf). Of course, the notable difference here is that RJ Reynolds and other tobacco companies are backing Issue 4.

Now, I may not puff up as much as I used to (in fact, these days, I've pretty much given up on the damn cancer sticks), but I still believe that if you want to smoke your lungs (and heart; and spleen) to oblivion (and risk erectile dysfunction and/or infertility, though admittedly, lots of guys smoked and still were able to keep it up- and put themselves into that skulldrugery that is FATHERHOOD!), more power to you, baby.

But I also have the right to walk away from that smoke. After all, I don't need the temptation to light up again.

The School Shooting in Colorado- Did Authorities Miss Something?

I'm going to play conspiracy theorist (for the lack of better words) here.

The shooting at a Bailey, Colorado high school yesterday no doubt shattered a small community. Six young ladies sexually assaulted, including one 16-year-old that was later killed by the shooter, 53-year-old Duane R. Morrison. Morrison, of course, killed himself as SWAT was moving in.

Morrison has a minor criminal record- obstruction of police in Lakewood; larcency and marijuana possession in the mid-1970s.

Call me suspicious, but I think there's more to this story than that. Given the nature of the crime, which was sexual according to authorities (I couldn't agree more), it makes me wonder if Mr. Morrison was a registered sex offender. And if so, from which jurisdiction? If he wasn't, then somehow, he managed to slither through the cracks and keep his sexual crimes under the radar. I'm picturing Duane Morrison with binoculars, leering at young girls...he could be masturbating, no doubt fantasizing about kidnapping some young girl- or two- and do what he damn well pleased with her. Of course, those horrid fantasies

I don't know, but there is more to this puzzle than what I'm hearing from media accounts.

So...When Exactly Will I Head to California?

I had a conversation with a friend of mine- no names please (only I'll mention that he's a few years older). This man is an Air force vet, and travelled the world ("...and the seven seas/everybody's lookin' for something..." I just had an Eurythmics moment here). He even wrote books, but lost the manuscripts to them.

I'll cut to the chase here. He's constantly telling me that I need to get things together, get my book published (though I thought I told him that I write scripts...challenging, sin't it? As you know I'm teaching myself Final Cut Studio, the video/film editing for the Macintosh, and Cinema 4D, a graphics program. Both programs are about to reach these grubby hands of mine...but, anyway...), and basically leave Portland. He's right on both counts.

So the question to myself: when exactly am I leaving Portland for Los Angeles? Yes, I thought about staying in Sacramento- albeit temporarily (and I still might, by the way)- but even if I do, it still doesn't change the fact that my backside needs to be in Los Angeles. After all, it sure as hell isn't going to come to me, is it? And I don't think some studio's going to come up to Moscow on the Willamette...er, Portland, Oregon, and say, "Darren, we'd love you to work for us." Doesn't happen, true believers.

So, having said this, I know that I'll be in California before 2006 is out. In fact, if I get my shit together, I'll be in the City of Angels in mid-October for Screenwriting Expo 5 (this year, the Expo's being held near LAX). And after I help vote (incumbent democrat) Oregon governor Ted Kulongoski out of office (and help put Ron Saxton in...hey, I'm Democrat, but I won't hesitate to vote for someone from the opposite party...), then I'll return to Los Angeles for awhile. Take those filmmaking classes I've been wanting to take forever, and start working in the industry.

But I've got to get working on this now, because if I wait any longer, I'll end up procrastinating, and find myself in a real mid-life crisis. As in "what have I've done over my 40 years (as of next July) on this planet?"

Okay, So He Goofed- T.O. accidentally ODs

Remember the news account that Dallas Cowboys wide receiver/diva Terrell Owens tried to kill himself last night?

Don't believe it!

As we know, T.O. broke his right hand in the Dallas-Washington game September 17. He's taking painkillers for the hand (hydrocodene...I wonder if it'll work on the damn toothache I'm screaming through now...). Apparently, he took a few too many pills, and when paramedics and police arrived, he was O-U-T of it. When asked if he was trying to harm himself, T.O. reportedly said "yes", when he meant, "hell, no, but I'm flying higher than a kite in a Ben Franklin thunderstorm right now." (okay, so I'm not from Texas. I'm not from Oregon, either. Still I lived here for nine years).

So for those who are worrying that our beloved flamboyant receiver has decided to play in the big Super Bowl in the sky, stop worrying. For those who were hoping that he would, well, let's just say that T.O's (right) hand heals pretty fast, and soon, he'll be eating defensive tackles for breakfast, lunch, dinner...and appetitizers.

How you like that?

Nevada War Widow Wins Right to Post Wicca Symbol on Husband's Grave

On September 25, 2005, Nevada Army National Guard Sergeant Patrick Stewart was a passenger on a Chinook in Afghanistan, probably coming from the field- or on his way there.

The Chinook was shot down by enemy fire, and Stewart was amoing the fatalites. He was only 34. While alive, Sgt. Stewart was a practicioner of the Wicca religion, considered a pagan faith by many circles.

His widow, Roberta, wanted to honor his memory by placing a Wiccan symbol on his plaque. However, the United States Department of Veterans Affairs does not honor the Wiccan symbols- mainly the pentacle, which is the pentagram inside a circle.

However, the state of Nevada does, and it has honored her request to place the pentacle on her husband's plaque.

Now, why the Department of Veterans won't recognize the Wicca symbol as a religious one, that's beyond me. But I can only surmise that it has something to do with the Judeo-Christian ways. After all, many say that the United States was founded upon Christian principles and values, and many see Wicca as anything but religious, let alone Christian. Sure, the Veterans department accepts the Jewish Star of David, and even Muslim symbols. But not the Wiccan symbols? That doesn't sound fair to me.

Kudos go to the State of Nevada, and to Mrs. Stewart in her continuing efforts to allow widows and widowers of soldiers who practiced Wicca to be recognized by our federal government.

Okay, So My President's The Fucking Devil (But He's Still My President)!

So, Iran's President/Dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Venezuela President/dictator Hugo Chavez had the audacity to waltz their happy asses into the United States, and bad mouth her as if she was a cheap whore. Chavez even had the conjones to call President Bush the Devil. You know, Beezlebub. Lucifer. Serpent. Father of the world. Otherwise known as good ol' Satan.

President Bush being called The Devil. Makes me wonder Satan feels about having that title stripped from him.

Well, look. I didn't vote for Bush in either presidential election (I'm a registered Democrat), but bad mouthing him is like insulting a member of the family. Yes, Bush is a fucking jackass, but he's still my President, like it or not. And he'll be President until January 21, 2009 (barring illness; impeachment; or death- either by weapon or health deterioration).

I have the speech Chavez made. Just click on the title.

Serves Him Right- Maurice Clarett's Going to Jail!

I can't believe thaty I'm wasting my time on this fuck, but needless to say, I must (thankfully, for the final time).

As we now know, Ohio State football great-cum-street thug Maurice Clarett pled guilty in Franklin County (Ohio) Commons Pleas Court on two felonies- robbing two people at the Opium Lounge. He faced twelve altogether, but the deal brings him 3 1/2 years, as opposed to 7 1/2 had he been convicted on the other ten (in addition to the two he pled to).

I said this before, and I'll say it again- Maurice, you're a fucking disgrace! You could have had the NFL career, let alone being among the best Ohio State has to offer. You represented a pretigious university, world renowned, and ione of the best schools when it comes to college sports. and what thanks do you give the Ohio State University? You FUCKING DISGRACED IT! You decided that being a thug was more important than being a football player! You decided that you couldn't be among such babies in the college world, and then when your NFL career was derailed- by your own doing, I must add- you thought, "man, my world's turned to shit! I'm going to turn to robbing, stealing, and if I must, murder!"

Ironically, you're right about your world turning to shit.

You know, even if this dumbshit were in the NFL, he'd probably fuck that up as well.

Enjoy those three-and-a-half years in Lucasville, Maurice.

Perhaps They Should Bring This Commercial Back

I remember as a child seeing this commercial, from the Ad Council on stopping all kinds of pollution.

The above is a PSA (public service announcement) from the early 1970s. The Native American Iron Eyes Cody, played by (Louisiana-born) Espera DeCorti would row his boat across streams, then walk across the city and see litter strewn all over the place. Each commercial featuring Iron Eyes would end with a tear rolling from his eye.

There was also another commercial from another non-profit, Keep American Beautiful, that had two animated men, kind of like Dick Tracy, only they were wearing capes (you can see this by clicking on the title, and going to the appropriate area)

How To Enslave OJ Simpson

Man, I believe that the Goldman family has it out for one Orenthal J. Simpson- no relation to Homer and his clan of Springfield, Oregon.

What's going on here, you ask?

Well, as we all know, about 11 years ago, OJ Simpson was acquitted of murder. He was charged with killing his ex-wife Nicole and a friend of hers, Ronald Goldman. Believing that the 1968 Heisman trophy winner out of USC, and Buffalo Bills and San Francisco 49ers great got away with murder, Fred Goldman- Ron's father- and the remainder of the Goldman family decided to stick it to The Juice. A judge found OJ liable for the deaths, and decided that he pay $33.5 Million to the Brown and Goldman families.

Having not gotten the full amount yet, the Goldmans are now looking at one avenue that, to many, seems unique.

They want to own his likeness; his image; even his name. After all, even as Mr. Simpson is a pariah these days (come on, did anyone from Hey, ,
Get Me Off This Island! I'm A Celebrity come asking for him? Not even the reality shows are knocking at his door ,and his pay-per-view answer to MTV's Punk'd, Juiced, tanked...), he's still an icon. Any money OJ makes- outside his $25,000/month
NFL pension and his half-million home in Florida- the Goldmans want until OJ's been, well, juiced. After they get their moolah, then they'll leave him alone.

You have to admit, 11 years is a bit too long to be holding a grudge. Whether Orenthal killed Nikki and Ron or no, not many folks care anymore. If anything, perhaps OJ should be given another chance, so he can pay these folks (with portions of the money he makes from appearances and acting and reality TV jobs. Leave some for him, after all, the man's gotta eat and keep up with the mortgage, too) and get them out of his ass hairs.

The sooner, the better for all parties involved.

My Honor Student Gets Stoned

In the same city that Abraham Lincoln gave his Gettysburg Address- some six and a half score and three years ago- a mother awarded her 13-year old son a few hits of marijuana for finishing his homework.

Now imagine this. I come home from...let's say Park Street Middle School in Grove City, Ohio (where I went to in the sixth and seventh grades. GO PUMAS!), my English teacher, Mr. DiTallico (one of my favorite seventh grade teachers) or even Mrs, Houghton (that dreaded sixth grade math teacher. A conservative radio talk show host's wife- no names, please!- looks just like her) gives me homework. I come home, finish my homework, and my parents, Joe and Reida, gives me pot for my reward. Now, of course, that didn't happen, but what if it did? I- along with my siblings, Renee; Josh; Missy; and Shelly- would've been one really happy camper, no doubt.

Well, the mother, Amanda Livelsberger, 30, recently pled guilty for misdemeanor charges of corrpting minors; possession with intent to deliver; possesion of a small amount of marijuana- should've moved to Oregon, Mandy. We're more liberal with pot laws- and a few other charges.

I'm not exactly for the child smoking pot, but if he's at home, under parental guidance, I don't think it's any of the government's damn business what happens. After all, what happens behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors.

Of course, I can't help but wonder if the producers of Showtime's Weeds are reading this story.

Where Were You On September 11, 2001?

It's a question that will be asked today.

Where were you on September 11, 2001? What were you doing? No doubt your reaction was of horror, shock...surprise. Anger at those responsible. No doubt we all felt that on that horrendous Tuesday morning, when life here in the United States forever changed. When the security and peaceful complacency we felt since the end of World War II, perhaps, have ended. If you put the events in terms of Don Henley's End of the Innocence, then you will have been pretty much right on the money.

Myself, I was in New Orleans, Louisiana. Now, you have to remember that New Orleans is only an hour behind New York (New York's in the Eastern time zone, as New Orleans is in the Central). I hadn't yet learned of the planes going into the world Trade Center, or into the Pennsylvania field, or the Pentagon in Washington DC, when I went to work at the Louisiana Superdome (to help clean up for the Saints' home opener against the San Francisco 49ers, which was to commence on the 16th).

I cannot remember exactly what row I was cleaning (though it was, if I'm correct, somewhere in the midlevel on the...I think riverside area of the Dome. As you know, in New Orleans, locals refer to the side of the street closest to the Mississippi River as 'riverside; and the side of the street closest to lake Ponchartrain as 'lakeside'), but around 11:30AM Central time, the supervisor, Mary Wilson, told everyone to stop what they were doing, take their supplies- supplies being mops, brooms, and buckets- to the supply room and evacuate. Now a lot of us worked for this temp agency named Temps Today, so Mary had to sign us out.

As soon as I left the Dome, I went to the Wendy's across the street to get a combo- I think I got a Triple combo, supersized (or as Wendy's call it Biggie). I walked a couple blocks to Duncan Plaza, which is across the street from City Hall, and I saw these buses from the New Orleans RTA (Regional Transit authority) and Jefferson Parish Transit Administration going up and down Loyola Avenue with the signs having either being "Evacuation" or "Emergency" on them. So I turned on the radio to WWL AM 870, one of the big stations in the Big Easy. It was then I had learned that something had happened to the tower. It took me some time to digest what had happened- the towers collapsing, and what not. So I thought to myself, a disaster happened at the World Trade Center.

About an hour after I finished lunch, I went to the New Orleans Public Library, which was also across the street from Duncan Plaza, only a block and a half north on the corner of Loyola and Tulane Avenues. As soon as I got on the computer, I went to the website of WABC-TV Channel 7, New York's ABC flagship station, .

It was only then I had witnessed the horror as planes flew deliberately into both towers of the World Trade Center. I sat horrified as I watched innocents jump from the towers, in vain efforts to save themselves from the inferno. And of people running for their lives from the collapsing towers, and the smoke from them.

Moments later, I learned that the Pentagon had been struck. Fortunately, not many people were in that wing that got hit. Then there is the account of the vain yet heroic efforts of those who tried to regain control of United 93 in Pennsylvania.

No doubt, September 11, 2001 will go down in infamy. Many, myself included, likened the terrorist attacks to the events of December 6, 1941- when another terrorist attack happened on our shores. One that forced our hand, and brought us into an World War. Those events, of course, being the attack on Pearl Harbor, Hawai'i and World War II. In fact, many could call it this generation's Pearl Harbor.

New York City was shown a lot of love in the intervening days. The attacks seemed to have humbled them, and the big, mean image that they've been known for likely have softened that day.

The terrorists' intent, of course, was to bring the United States of America to its' knees. But instead of tearing the country apart, it brought us together. No matter the race, no matter the political party. No matter the sexual orientation even (Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell's knuckleheaded statement that gays, lesbians, and pro-choice folks brought on the events of 9/11 notwithstanding), people of America showed the world that nobody- especially some Islamofacist bastards- would tear us apart. I remember not long after the attacks, I bought a US flag pin, and wore it proudly. Also, in the intervening days and weeks, I've seen many images of anger and pride, intermixed across the country. In New Orleans, I saw this pickup truck passing
the Line 16/South Claiborne RTA bus I rode en route back to the (Temps Today) office reading WE'RE GONNA GET YOU!, In smaller letters, the caption read RIP, WTC, 9/11/01. I remember drawing (more like sketching) a picture of Osama bin Laden, with his eyes crossed- and a target right between his eyes. Oh, yes. I hated- and still do to this day, hate- him.

Speaking of that spawn of Satan, when I saw the picture of that bastard on the front page of The (New Orleans) Times-Picayune about a month later, let's just say that I had to hold myself back from throwing the first object I could pick up. To just fucking gloat as he rehashed details of how he planned the attacks...I just felt like running into Saudi Arabia- or wherever the fuck he hid at- finding him, then have him die a very slow, and painful death. I still feel this way to this day, only, our military troops are doing the job for me. Sure, we still haven't found the bastard yet, but I live for the day when we do. In fact, I'd love to see a televised public execution of Mr. bin Laden. That would do me proud!



Now here it is, five years later. I'm back in Portland, Oregon, about to head to Los Angeles. Will America be terrorized again? Who knows when it will happen again, if so? After all, several more attempts have been made- most recently, the plot to blow up planes coming from Great Britain using plain old liquids and objects. I won't play Mr. Worrywart and say that it'll be a matter of time before America gets terrorized again- be it from Islamofacists, or from members of our own citizentry, even.

The events of 9/11/01 have made us more vigilant and alert, no doubt. Let's not wait until the next terrorist attack to wake up to the danger we constantly face daily.

Storm Large- Portland Still Loves You, Baby (And I Love You, Too)

Storm Large, Portland's rock goddess was booted off CBS' Rockstar: Supernova last night.

The goddamn travesty, those damn judges and those caller who decided that she wasn't fight for Supernova- which consists of former Motley crue drummer Tommy Lee; Metallica's Jason Newsted; and former Guns N' Roses axeman Gilby Clarke (how is working with Axl Rose working out, Gilb?). They don't know a good thing when they see it! Storm sang her balls (or ovaries) out. A total class act. Yes, she had a few missteps, but come on, no one's perfect.

Don't worry, Stormy. You're still a class act to me, and the rest of your adoring fams here in Portland. We look forward to your triumphant return to Dante's, alongside your kick ass group, The Balls, and believe me when I say this, baby. You are a Storm to be reckoned with- and that's no pun.

Somehow, I get the feeling that those guys in Supernova will be even sorrier that they let Storm go. Now they have to put up with Dilana's torture longer. In fact, I fucking hope she gives them nightmares in their sleep. Singing...no, screeching, and hollering. Gee, I'd feel safer hearing the Wicked Witch of the West (from the Wizard of Oz) singing (and cackling...picture Dilana cackling the line, "I'll get you, my pretties...and that goddamned dog, too!").

Strangely enough, I found Storm and Dilana to be a very sexy couple. No, really. Stormy, the six foot gorgeous chatenuse from Portland (by way of Massachusetts), and Dilana, the...um...well, at least Dilana's not a bad looking chick (I say this as I put my fingers in my mouth, and make a gagging gesture).

The great thing about Storm was she handled the call (that she didn't make the cut) with grace and dignity. She does, indeed, do Portland very proud.

May there be sellouts at every venue you play from here on out, Storm.

Welcome home.

Maurice Clarett...I HATE YOU!

Man, I am getting SO. GODDAMN. SICK. Of this Maurice Clarett jackal. OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! I'm ready to smash this keyboard and monitor apart I'mm so mad! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Man, just when I'm finally getting the message that I can never, never, NEVER, EVER(!) go back home (to Columbus, Ohio) again, something keep pulling me back!

Maurice Clarett, as we all know, was arrested numerous times over the past year over weapons charges- January, he was arrested for robbing someone, and most recently, in August when he was carrying an arsenal of loaded weapons. Kind of makes you wonder if he's recruiting for or is joining al-Qaida, i know one thing though. His future in the NFL has gone to SHIT CITY! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

Today he was indicted on those weapons charges, plus charges on fleeing police, at Franklin County Courthouse. If he's convicted, he gets to waste a year in jail- as if he hasn't already wasted oxygen- let alone his talent!

Please, Maurice. Just check yourself off this planet. Get one of those loaded guns, put the fucking thing in your mouth, and pull the trigger. Spare all of us- from the Ohio State University down to your baby (and your baby momma)- the grief, and just take your ticket straight down to hell.

Well, If You're Gonna Die...Die Fucking Happy!

Remember that series on Showtime called Zalman King's Red Shoe Diaries? The host was played by The X-Files David Duchovny (I think I still have a crush on him...then again, I have one on country superstar Tim McGraw...different animal, though for the record, that doesn't make me gay or even bi...).

The above is an excerpt from the DVD called Picnic. Happily, Zalman King has brought back The Red Shoes Diaries (though it no longer airs on Showtime) for all of us to enjoy.

I know one thing, man and woman, I need to get my fucking hands on a digital camera and camcorder. FAST!

So sit back and enjoy.