South Carolina governor Mark Sanford had mysteriously disappeared from his office in Columbia, many folks were- understandably- worried. Where could the Governor be? Who would want to hurt our beloved governor? Is he even alive?
It turns out that he was hiking the Appalachian trail, and didn't want to tell (Darren's cell phone rings) excuse me...hello...what's that, Darren?...what?...you didn't see him hiking on the Appalachian Trail?...it's a mighty long trail, you know...and you scaled every mile and inch of it and you didn't see him...really?...you saw him in Argentina?...WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?!! DUDE, YOU'RE SHITTING ME!...Come on, Darren, stop it. Governor Sanford's a very good governor. He's a Republican, for god's sake! A God-fearing, faithful...what do you mean he's not faithful?...a tango with a female family friend? come on, D. A nice republican guy like mark Sanford would never cheat on his wife. come on...okay, glad you called. Bye...(Darren hangs up). I've just got off the phone with mt doppleganger and he's just told me that the Republican governor of South Carolina wasn't hiking on the Appalachian trail, but instead somewhere in Buenos Aires, or whatever, doing the genital tango. Well, well, well, isn't that something?
WIS-TV 10 in Columbia reports that Sanford says this affair began with a "casual e-mail", and basically it just snowballed from there. Of course, he used the same bullshit line politicians- no matter the political party- use "I've been unfaithful to my wife...yada, yada, yada!" What's even more juicier here is that his Lieutenant Governor, Andrew Bauer, tried to find out where Sanford was during the period Sanford was missing. It appears that Sanford spent five days crying- likely in the arms of his Argentine lover. Oh, I could hear the sobs now..."Mi amor. Mi amor. Dejarme tomar el sol en bosque de tus pelos vaginales."* In which said Argentine amor cried, "Cogerme, cogerme dificilmente, papa!" ^(sorry, I couldn't get the upside down exclamation point, or the tilde. My software won't allow this, but you get the point...).
This is the latest example of the continuous downward spiral of the Republican Party. It seems to me that they break one of the same Ten Commandments that they accuse Democrats of breaking- thou shalt not fucking commit adultery! But then again, I guess God doesn't mind a bit of adultery here and there...who knows? But at any rate, every time I hear a Republican or conservative say that Democrats and/or liberals are the scum of the earth that hate God, guns, and country, I have to laugh. This comes to show that these fuck wads- these uptight, stuffy, snobby, selfish fucks!- are no better than the rest of us. In some cases, some of them are even worse! yes, I know, there are some Democrats who have strayed- just ask Eliot Spitzer; John Edwards, and even the man born William Jefferson Blythe IV- but that doesn't change the fact that these Good Ol' Punk Ass types are so goddamned hypocritical, it's ridiculous. It's so wonder I'm not punching out my laptop display right now in frustration (I am clenching my fists, however. But I'm also laughing...) So, as I close out this entry, this song, "Alibis" performed by Sergio Mendes (vocals performed by Joe Pizzulo) is dedicated to Mark Sanford, the distinguished governor of the great state of South Carolina.
"Solid Gold", CBS Paramount Television/Courtesy busson9/YouTube
Click on the title for the full report from WIS News 10, or click on the CNN widget above.
*My love, my love. Let me bask in the forest of your vaginal hairs. ^Fuck me, Fuck hard, daddy!
(C) 2009 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.
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