The American Vatican

Wednesday night, I came across a story- just as I was about to check my e-mail on Yahoo- about the plans for the founder of Domino's pizza, Thomas S. Monaghan, to govern the city of Ave Maria, Florida. Ave Maria is a brand new community that's currently under construction. It is being built around Ave Maria University, which is also being built (and is the first Roman Catholic university in the United States since the mid 1960s). Monaghan is using $250 Million of his own money to help bring the town into fruition. When completed in mid-2007 (the groundbreaking was last month, attended by Florida governor Jeb "Dubya's dumber brother" Bush), it will have a town center with European-style architecture, and the centerpiece will be a oratory, whose steeple will be 65 feet tall. Monaghan envisions Ave Maria will have 11,000 households, with a population of 20,000. Collier County will provide the security (the Sheriff's department) and fire services.

Now, here's my little bitch session. Personally, I could care less that Tom Monaghan is bankrolling $250 million of his own money to help built this town (the other entity is Barron Collier company, which deals with argiculture and real estate). And his Catholicism doesn't bother me. What does bother me, however is the fact that, according to the report (from the Associated Press), if Monaghan has his way, Ave Maria (taken from the Latin, meaning 'hail Mary') will be governed according to strict Roman Catholic principle. Which means that if you want that box of Durex (or Trojans), or if you're a woman who needs that (court-ordered) prescription of Norplant, you're shit out of luck. The cable system won't be showing the playboy or Spice Channels, let alone HBO; Showtime; etc (both networks frequently show R-rated films...and also PG-13...the only R-rated film they WILL let you see in Ave Maria: Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ ), and of course, you won't be buying that Playboy or Hustler at the community convenience store. That's just the tip of the iceberg, I'm afraid.

Homebuyers will own their own homes, so what you do in your own home is none of their damn business, right? (I sigh as I write this) What scares the bejeepers out of me is that if you're a single person, and you and your significant other decide to shack up (you know, cohabitate...from where I'm from- the state of Ohio- we call it a 'common law marriage'), the town fathers may decide to do little NSA number on you and tell you to get married or get out. Or even worse, if that significant other happens to be the same sex as yourself, you may not even be allowed to buy the home in Ave Maria. I mean, this shit is scary. Very fucking scary! If you decide to bring porn into your own home...will they sneak in at night and do a public burning? Man,I shudder to think.

What comes to my mind is the city of Antelope, Oregon- in southeastern Wasco County, east of The Dalles (The Dalles is the county seat), and 166 miles southeast of Portland, and 122 miles east of Salem. 22 years ago, Antelope- which was a ghost town- was taken over by the followers of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, some whack job who called himself a Hindu- I won't go there- decided to raid the town, call it 'Rajneeshpuram', and do all sorts of crazy things- like put Salmonella organisms in salads; bring homeless people into the commune just to register them to vote (nothing in itself wrong with that, but the principle was quite questionable, if you ask me...). Need I go on? At least Antelope was a standing city. But what Tom Monaghan is envisioning- a city where dissent from strict Roman Catholic teaching is anathema to your well-being (let alone remaining a resident of Ave Maria)- doesn't sit at all well with me. What I'm afraid of is that Monaghan could be just like Rajneesh. Or more scarier, Rajneesh meets Pope Benedict XVI. Someone said that it's like radical Islam, and I'm afraid that that person's right. I can't see it any other way.