The Death of "Barnaby"

A childhood icon from my youth died last month.

The man who played Barnaby the Elf, among many other characters, Linn Sheldon, died April 24 in the Cleveland, Ohio suburb of Lakewood.

Sheldon was a TV legend not only in Cleveland, where he was based, but throughout the state of Ohio. I lived in Columbus, and we watched him on cable. He would always play these silly games, sing silly songs...just a delightful character.

Sheldon first made his mark just as TV was in its' infancy. He worked at WEWS, the ABC station; and WUAB Channel 43 (which is about to return to being an independent, after being a UPN affiliate for 11 years), creating the Barnaby character in 1956.

Sheldon is survived by his wife and three children. Sheldon was 86.

Buh-Bye, Jenny- Groom Runs From "Runaway Bride"

Last year, Jennifer Wilbanks got a major case opf cold feet. So cold, that she ran all the way to New Mexico. Of course, an entire community looked for her (then subsequently thanked the heavens for her safe return- right before that same community kicked her right in the kiester...).

Now comes word that Jenny can run as far as she wants, and see whoever she damn well wants to see (even if it happens to be some crazy black blogger here in Portland, Oregon...hey, I won't touch that one, kids...). Wilbanks and her fiance, John Mason have split, which makes me wonder- did HE get a case of cold feet? (And if so, why didn't I have that when I married Mary* nine years ago?) Or was he afraid that she'd run after the wedding? I don't know, kids. All I can say is, RUN, JENNIE, RUN!









*formerly known under the alias 'Leah'

Uh-Oh! Lon's At It Again!

Just when we here in the mostly liberal state of Oregon have seen enough of anti-gay (and I wouldn't be surprised if he was anti-black; anti-Latino, etc, either) loudmouth Lon Mabon, here's more good news to chew on: he's preparing two ballot measures to put on the 2008 ballot (don't you just love it when he does this shit during the Presidential election years). One is similar to Measure 9 that he tried to shove down our throats 6 years ago, only this time, he's including transgendered people.

Whassamatta, Lon? Still scared of those bitchy queens scratching their claws into your face? When will you, Mr. Mabon, get the message that Oregon doesn't want your kind- the hateful, vicious, have-nothing-better-to-do-than attack gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender folk. I don't give a shit that you hate gays, Lon. That's on you. But don't try to force feed everyone that hate jhuice you want us to drink (seemingly) every Presidential election. Go home. Chill out. Or even better, pick up a gun, put it in your mouth, pull the trigger, and end your miserable existence. For someone who's so miserable that you have to pick on everybody else, man, you must really be in the saddest of shapes.

I mean, what more can I say about Oregon's favorite bigot?

Oregon Voted (Now It's Your Turn- Again!- New Orleans)

The primary election here in Oregon has ended. The incumbent governor, Theodore Kulongoski, handily beat Jim Hill (I voted for him), and Peter Soreson for the Democratic nomination. Ron Saxton survived vicious attacks from two-time loser KevinMannix and Jason Atkinson for the Republican nomination. On November 7, there will be one man standing, and unless Sleepy Ted Tax and Gouge Me gets his shit together, I'll do what I did in this (primary) election- vote across party lines and vote for Saxton (I voted for Dave "The Eastside Guy" Lister, Republican running for a city council seat). At least Ted Wheeler will be Multnomah County's next Commission chair, winning 70%-30% over incumbent Diane Linn. (Next time, Princess Di, talk to the people about allowing gay marriages in Multnomah County before issuing them. Had she done that, we probably wouldn't have Measure 36 on the book today).

Now that we here in the Beaver State- let alone Moscow on the Willamette- have made our choices (for the time being, anyway...), let's head down to the Bayou state of Louisiana and focus on Saturday's mayoral runoff election. The incumbent, Clarence Ray Nagin faces off against a member of the Landrieu political dynasty, Louisiana Lieutenant Governor Mitchell J. Landrieu. Last month, I listed what each man has to do to win the top office on 1300 Perdido Street (see the April 23 blog entry, "New Orleans Votes- Chapter Four).

I've include the link to Monday night's mayoral debate here. Go to http://www.wdsu.com/video/9231221/detail.html.

May the best man win on Saturday. I'll be watching closely, of course. Whoever wins this election has their work cut out for them as New Orleans recovers.

Want Cheap Gas? Drive to an Indian Reservation

Face it. We're going to be stuck paying three dollars a gallon for petro- gas to us Yankees- until it skyrockets to four bucks, or even five months (give it a month or two, let alone a couple of weeks...).

But perhaps the Indian tribes may be tax-exempt from paying gas taxes.

Which means that I could drive that piece of shit jalopy up to any of these reservations up here in the Northwest, and fill 'er up.

Maybe.

Okay, Just Another Rant...or Not...

Hi, there. Kermit de Frog here...
Who the fuck am I kidding here? It's me, your ol' Uncle Darren here.

Thus far, I've had a great week. Much of 2006 has been pretty good to me. I'm doing a lot of things- like, say, making a cemetery here in Portland pretty, and I've begun working out. It's time to kiss my skinny rail of a life adios, and say welcome to a nice, sculpted, and beautiful swan of a body here. In the coming weeks, I'll have in hand a set of dumbbells- yes, even the Bowflex SelectTech 552 set; weight gain formula- though those nightly visits to McDonald's are really doing wonders (I have to had gained 10 or more pounds in the last two weeks...when I get the weight gain formula, I'll drink that as I eat those Big Macs...hey, I've been skinny all my life. It's time to look like a linebacker- even as I turn 40 next year...work out about 30 minutes a day, 7 days a week...I think people will notice before long).

I've also began my studies of Final Cut Studio, and as I get my Mac computer in the next week or so, I'll work hands on with the exercises in the book I'm reading (Apple Pro Training Series: Getting Started With Final Cut Studio).

So, those changes I've talked about making, I'm finally doing them.

In other words, I've stopped talking (and for that matter, I stopped smoking cigarettes, too), and started doing. Walk the walk, come to think of it.

What is a 'Mojito', and Would You Like One?

There is this new kind of rum by Barcardi called 'Mojito'.

What is exactly a 'Mojito'? And why am I hankering for one? Good question, indeed, my dear Watson.

What with the Memorial Day holiday coming up, I will give it a try. Get a bottle from one of the liquor stores here in the Portland/Vancouver/Salem metro, get some, say, Sprite or 7Up, perhaps some Barcardi 151 rum, too.

I can taste one in my mouth now.

That'sa Nice! Ellen Helps New Orleans

In New Orleans, native Ellen Degeneres put her money where he mouth was.

After Katrina struck on August 29, 2005, Ellen had spoken out in frustration that the government was dragging its' feet on the recovery efforts.

So, this week, she returned home to N'Awlins, and donated a Quizno's Subs shop to a woman who lost her home and business.

See the footage by clicking on the title, which will take you directly to the WDSU-TV news story.

Here's Another Parody of the National Anthem...It Must Suck to Be White

The National Anthem- Not for Illegals:
Remember that debacle about the National Anthem being sung en espanol? Of course you do. It was just last week, on the doorstep of the national protests against the immigration bill, HR 4437.

Well, Peter Boyles of Denver, Colorado talk station 630 KHOW has a version of the Francis Scott Key tune, written by Don Wrege, that is a bit less supportive of the illegals.

No, make that WAY LESS SUPPORTIVE!

Click on the title to go to the KHOW site.

BEING WHITE: A "Privileged Race" or an Ingrown Hair Up the Ass?:
There is this op-ed from the Wall Street Journal on "White Guilt". You see, if a white person says something that seems a bit politically incorrect, then they're labeled a racist- you know, like they say "nigga" to a black person, and the next thing you know, the white man or woman's undergoing plastic surgery in some boutique plastic surgeon's office (hell, they can afford it, right?). Whereas when anyone who's African-American- such as this blogger- or Latino, etc. who calls a white person a "honkie/honky"; "cracker"; "ofay"; or "gringo", or even says the word "nigga", we get cheered on by just about everyone else. Hell, white people must be the Microsoft Windows of civilization, if you ask me. You know, dominant in every damn thing, and are a walking target (despite us blacks folks feeling pressure, however sometimes undeserved).

Why the double standard? Is anyone who isn't lilly white feeling like victims here? Or do we minorities- black, Latino, Hispanic, Asian, etc- feel good playing the victim? Do white folks really have a charmed life, the privileged race, if you will? Or are they just like everyone else- human and mistake prone (despite some calling the Caucasian race, the "master race". Didn't know these white supremacists came from the planet Krypton...).

Read this op-ed at http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110008318.


Copyright 2006, by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

"Leah" Revealed

I knew that this shit would come up sooner or later. But since "sooner" is better, I've decided that now is a good opportunity to come clean on something.

For the past year, I've referred to my ex-wife as "Leah" (I've also added the disclaimer that it wasn't her real name). One of these days- if she's still alive (she's had heart problems for years, and she's also the size of a bowling ball- an 180 pound bowling ball, at that...)- I may run into her (probably by which time, she won't even remember what I look like. It's been almost 10 years since we've gotten into our last catfight. Keep the claws on standby, Darren, you sexy kitten...), and she's had this nasty habit of reading my journals, so it's likely that she may come across this blog (or the printed pages...I print these sometimes for record keeping). And she likely will ask me- in a likely nasty tone, and knife in hand (that scar on the left side of my bottom lip being a nice little reminder)- "who the fuck is Leah?" Oh, yes. Believe it, true believers, ol' girl's gonna ask.

So, I've decided that today- Monday, May 8, 2006 (or for those on the other side of this "Big Blue Marble"- remember that TV show that came on in the mid-1970s? I do. I was 6 or 7 when it came out- Tuesday, May 9, 2006) at 1:31:26PM Pacific Daylight Time, at the Multnomah County Library, Central Branch in the city of Portland, county of Multnomah, state of Oregon, Republic of the United States of America, planet of Earth (last time I checked anyway) to reveal the real name of "Leah".

Drum roll please...

Leah is...Mary.

That's right, Mary S., who lives in Columbus, Ohio- at least, you did when I left almost 9 years ago, and likely still do, and still will. The woman who I used to call "Sweet-Ums" (this is the first and last time I reveal the nickname I gave you). You're "Leah".

The reason I called you "Leah", Mary, was to protect your identity. After all, this goes out to an international audience.. But then I thought that I could do the same thing by just doing the same thing I do with others when I write about my escapades and adventures with them- name you on a first name basis- and in some cases, use aliases, which in your case, I gave you the alias of "Leah".

Don't worry, I won't plaster these pages with pictures of you, unless you request it (and that goes for all the other women I sleep with, too...and believe me, I'm about to meet my quota of sleeping with 10-plus women this year. Hey, gotta be the slut, right? Use it or lose it, right?...).

So, Mary, I'll refer you to your real name from now on. Of course, if I meet another "Mary", I'll use the last initial- even if the last name begins with 'S' (you'll just be "Mary", and the other "Mary" will be "Mary S"....or "Mary K"...or whatever...).

Now, doncha feel better, Darren?

(Cue song "Doncha" by the Pussycat Dolls...doncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me/doncha wish wish your girlfriend was a freak like me..." of course, substitute 'boyfriend' for 'girlfriend' here...).

If Elvis Did This To Priscilla Today, He'd Be Doing the "Jaihouse Rock"

In Kansas, every 14-year-old who wants to get married is lining up at the Justice of the Peace's office. Why?

It's because after the bill gets signed by Democratic governor Kathleen Sebelius, Elvis can't marry Priscilla in the Prarie State anymore (yes, Prissy was 14 when she married the 32-year-old Elvis Aaron Presley in the year this blogger was born).

This legislation proposal comes after a man, Matthew Koso, now 23, impregnated a 14-year-old girl in Nebraska. So, the two crossed state lines into Kansas and got married.

Now Koso is serving 30 months in prison on a first degree sexual assault conviction. He's eligible for parole next February.

And You Want Open Borders?

I watched "Lou Dobbs Tonight" on CNN, and came across this report on illegal immigration. This report mentioned that the U.S. is a little more lenient when it comes to illegals crossing the border from Mexico- basically a slap on the wrist and a free ride back to Mexico- or any other Central American country. In contrast, if I- the All-American guy next door- decide to go into Mexico illegally- that is, without passport or visa (work and/or residency)- I get to rot for up to eight years in some Mexican dump (i.e. prison).

Anybody care to explain to this African-American liberal-turned-moderate-leaning-toward-conservative blogger cual en infieno es incorrecto con este cuadro? (what in the hell is wrong with this picture?)

Let me get this straight. Any illegal- from Mexico or any other country- can just basically walk their happy ass in, use up our services, eat up our food, and we do absolutely CLOSE TO NOTHING, while if I or any other American does the same thing the federales can throw the book at us and imprison us Yankees for eight years max?

In this week's rally against a proposed U.S. House bill, HR 4437, the Immigration and Nationality Act, the mainly Latino and Hispanic crowd cried out that they want open borders so that they and their family members can come in the U.S. and leave as they damn well please. Plus on top of that, they want instant citizenship- without doing the work it takes to acquire such goal- like filling out the paperwork, doing the background check... ingles que aprende...HOW DARE THEY! If they want to come into the U.S. without having to show a green card, passport, and /or visa, then we Americans should be able to go into Mexico without having to show any of the above I've just mentioned. otherwise, their (the illegals') demands of an open border is nothing more than hypocrisy.

America's Losing Its' Patience With Illegal Immigrants

Yesterday's rallies across the counbtry against a bill that makes illegal immigration a felony has certainly gotten the attention of the good ol' U.S. of A.

But a new Zogby poll says that the illegals deserve none of our sympathies. After all, they crossed illegally, and they made the decision to break laws to get here...and, oh, did I mention that our services are being strained, all because those undocumented aliens decided to basically abuse our welcome mat. In other words, illegals, you've have long worn out your welcome.

I'm for immigration, don't get me wrong. But like I said yesterday...either here, or in one of my other blogs...that those who desire to come into this country must go through channels- get the work visas, your Green Card, passports (that Matricula card shit just won't cut it). Learn English- as much as I love en espanol, and people who come from Latin America- I don't think I can yet picture bilingual freeway signs on, say I-5 here in Portland, Oregon (maybe in Los Angeles, where there is a widespread Hispanic and Latino population).

Legal immigrants feel like that illegals are cutting the line (I know exactly how that feels when someone cuts the line at the supermarket, etc...) Look at this link at http://www.katu.com/stories/85486.html.

And President Bush- yes, Dumbya, I'm talking to you!- needs to get some backbone here. This 'Guest Worker' idea is nothing more than amnesty for those who've come into the U.S. illegally. Yes, I'm for amnsety if the person crossing is escaping persecution and oppression. But, even as Mexico isn't exactly known for its' squeaky clean, I know of no oppresion, nor any persecution in the country. So please, pretty please, with sugar and cherries on top, are our borders hemmoraging with illegals? Will it take the Minutemen, and vigilante militias to stop the bleeding? I say let's build a wall- not unlike the Berlin Wall- to keep illegals out. Heavily guarded with military and law enforcement- local, state, and federal. After the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I don't think that's such a bad idea.

Don't Have Sex If You're a Teen in Georgia

Watch this report from WSB-TV in Atlanta.

Apparently, teens' hormones are enough reason to jail them. It's one thing for, say, a 39-year-old man such as myself to fuck a 15 year old girl (at least here in the States. I'd have to go to Mexico to do the aforementioned act. At least, it's legal south of the border...). But to punish teens for having sex with other teens?...That's going a bit too far, don't you think?