I, Sodom, Take Thee, Gomorrah: Americans Get an 'F' in Religion

Genesis 19:14 says that Sodom looked Gomorrah in the eye, and lifted Gomorrah's veil. Then, in verse 15 says"... Gomorrah took Sodom by the hand, and kissed her- or is it his- husband, and they went back to their home and began having (sexual) relations."

Of course, if you believe the above Bible passage, then you're probably not alone. According to a new book, Religious Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know- and Doesn't, by Boston University religion chair Stephen Prothero, sixty percent of Americans can't name half of the Ten Commandments, and 50 percent of high school seniors think that Sodom married Gomorrah. Come to think of the story of two wicked cities as something written by Shakespeare, something like Romeo and Juliet.

For those who don't know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, it is the account of the two cities, Sodom and Gomorrah. Now, Sodom, in the days after the Great Flood, resembled, say today's Castro (San Francisco); Christopher Street/Greenwich Village (New York); or even Southwest Stark between 10th and 13th Avenues here in Moscow on the Willy (Portland, Oregon. 'Willy', of course, is the Willamette River). Picture Fire Island, Long Island, New York, if you will. Now, two hot and gorgeous angels happened to visit Lot, a faithful servant of the Lord. Now, back before the Lord put a moratorium on angels being visible (unless otherwise ordered to), angels appeared in the flesh. Not too long after their arrival, every man in Sodom salivated over the sight of angels. So, they surrounded Lot's home and demanded that the old goat surface those hotties so they could take them to Sodom's equivalent to a gay orgy. But Lot told them, "no way, Joses. Here, take my daughters. Do what you want." (unfortunately, the option included rape/sexual assault). But the men of Sodom told Lot that they didn't want pussy. THEY WANTED DICK! So, to keep the story short, the angels told Lot- in verse 14 of Genesis 19- that Sodom, and the nearby city of Gomorrah, were going to be destroyed. So God threw fire and sulfur onto the cities, and the inhabitants of those two cities were lost. Lot's wife, who probably had affairs on the side (was she bisexual? Hmmm...) was turned into a pillar of salt.

Okay, so I'm no Bible scholar- hell, I don't read my Bible over half of the time, so I'm in good company here. But the point here is that we Americans are apparently Bible-illiterate (I'm listening to Justin Timberlake's Cry Me a River, which is probably what you're telling me right now...). And every conservative theologian probably sees this Bible illiteracy as proof that America is headed straight to hell.

Prothero goes on to point out that many folks think that the Shia and Sunni factions are one and the same, because both are Muslim, and that Islam is the religion of peace- just look at the Iraq conflict and al-Qaida. If those are two examples of peace, I'd hate to see the riots and wars. He suggests that a middle schoolers be required to take a Bible course in world religions, and high schoolers take one on the Bible, and college undergrads to take one course in religious studies.

Yes, that'll make the ACLU and the People for the American Way (the latter founded by legendary TV producer Norman Lear) very happy.

Of course, if we are going straight to hell, at least let me die in a bevy of hot lesbians.

(click on the title for the link to the USA Today article).

Copyright 2007, by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.