Allah's Gonna Get You, Michael (and You, too, Jermaine)! ( Or "You're Fucking Joking, Right?")

I saw this report as I was about to check my e-mail on Yahoo about Jermaine Jackson trying to talk his freakshow sibling, Michael, into converting to Islam.

Yes, I know, Mr. Freakshow was once in a religion this blogger was associated with, Jehovah's Witnesses (of course, apparently, neither he nor I fit into that 144,000 crowd that's supposedly going to the pearly gates. Either that or the Almighty Jehovah was afraid that I would take over heaven...yeah, that's it! Anyway...). But fucking Islam, people? The same religion that gives us suicide bombers, teaches people to hate America, and tells meat-and-potatoes guys (such as myself) not to touch pork products (I say this as I try not to spit take my pork chop out of my mouth...damn!)

And he definitely ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY CANNOT DRINK THIS:

I know one thing, though. If Michael does decide to be a worshipper of Osama...er, Allah, he won't be able to play hand pinata with little boys anymore, that's for damn sure. Plus he won't be able to sing Rock With You; or Thriller anymore. And he's going to have to wear those robes, probably. Pray five times a day- and remember, it's to the east, Mike. To the east. If he's doing a concert, he'll probably stop in the middle of his song, and get on his prayer rug. Just picture that!

I just can't see Michael picking up a Quran and following the tenets of Islam. He's too goddamned freaky to become a Muslim- let alone a Jehovah's Witness. But, if this walking freakshow can sell Watchtowers and Awakes (like he did as a youth and in his early 20s), I suppose I can say that I've seen stranger shit happen (like a former girlfriend- who used to be 'one of the guys'- getting married with child and settling down. Different animal, different day, folks).

Copyright 2007, by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.