The Sleazy Billionaire

Man, I wish I was a multibillionaire.
That way, I can get away with every fucking crime I commit. Just look at the possibilities that lie ahead! I can commit the perfect murder- like OJ Simpson (allegedly) did in 1994. And then, there's that ol' battleaxe- I forgot her name- who may have killed her chauffer/lover, but didn't get convicted. All because, she did too much good for the town and its' people. Hell, for all I know, she owns the whole goddamned town!

Oh, there's more! I can molest kids, and still get away scot free. All I have to do is buy your silence. Why? Because I'm a filthy stinking mother-fucking rich son-of-a-bitch! That's why!

Okay, so I'm not going to do any of the above when I become a multibillionaire. Besides, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for atrocious acts against nature and fellow man.

Apparently, there is this Florida financier, name Jeffrey Epstein, who may join the OJ Simpsons and other scum who have bought their way out of the gulag. Mr. Epstein is under investigation for sexually soliciting teenaged girls. He allegedly used vibrators, dildos, and some of those teen girls were masseuses.

Look, I turned 39 today, and I have a thing for younger women. Only, I don't mess with women younger than 18.

If convicted, Epstein's gonna be...about 80 when he gets out of prison. Though, with money like that, I doubt seriously that he'll serve a day behind bars. Let alone get convicted.

At any rate, click on the title to go directly to the story on Epstein, on Court TV's The Smoking Gun site.

What IF the iPod Had an Imbedded TV Tuner

The wonderful peeps at Apple Computer have given us a great creation in the form of the iPod. Now celebrating five years on the planet- I guess that's 35 years in computer terms (whatevs)- this little digital player that could does music, pictures, and even video. with all but two broadcast TV networks (who are about to become one), and a few cable networks on board, there's almost nothing that the iPod can't do. Sure, you'd have to kick Apple in the tush for not allowing the option of installing Windows Media; Napster and Real Networks on the iPod, but I get the feeling that those crazy bastard geniuses in Cupertino will come around before long. After all, iPods Do work on Windows as well as Macs.

Call this a crazy premonition, but I get the feeling that the next generation of iPod will feature an imbedded TV tuner- or Apple will create an adapter for the capacity to allow you to watch TV on the iPod ,and perhaps even record those programs. Currently, a company named Elgato has external TV tuners and DVRs that allow Mac users to record their favorite programs. Sure, Steve Jobs may have a hissy fit. But hey, since he's busy running Disney these days, he may not have to worry about charging us consumers $2 a pop to download our favorite programs too much longer. In other words, just like Windows XP Media Center Edition, and the forthcoming Windows Vista, imbedded DVRs in the Mac- starting with the forthcoming Mac OS X, v.10.5 Leopard- could be standard equipment. (If I'm correct, the ability to watch and record TV programs in Windows Vista will be standard equipment. Apple will likely follow suit with Leopard. But again, it's just a guess from some schlub in Oregon...).

I look forward to the day Apple allows us Mac users to enjoy the amenities that Windows users enjoy now- specifically those with Windows XP Media Center PCs. The ability to record and watch TV on our PCs (and external hard drives, and of course, our iPods) without paying an arm, leg, lung, or testicle (if you're female, substitute ovary for testicle).

LOOK, MA, I CHANGED MY FUCKING TITLE AGAIN!
Did anybody notice the title change above?
I tried to get on to my MSN Spaces site. The fucker wouldn't take my password (and I've just gushed over Microsoft? I've got to stop drinking the Kool-Aid...). So I decided to just move the title over here to Blogger.com. Besides, I've contemplated the idea of renaming this blog anyway. Guess I made the right choice.

Don't worry, my bitchy scrawls and mood swings won't change. You can bet your ass on that!

Where Are You, Ron Saxton?

About a week or two ago, I e-mailed a letter to the Republican candidate for Oregon governor, Ron Saxton. I asked him about his views about the rights of gay and lesbian Oregonians. Why I asked was because Basic Rights Oregon, the PAC for the LGBT community mentioned that Mr. Saxton has embraced the anti-gay folks at Oregon Family council; opposes civil unions; and further legislation to protect the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered residents of Oregon.

I haven't heard from him yet.

I know that Mr. Saxton is a busy man, campaigning for the big seat down in Salem, but come on, even busy people take time out of their schedules to answer e-mails. Or at least respond at simple questions.

Right now, it looks like the lack of response from Mr. Saxton is what many call an admission of guilt. And unless he responds soon- and gives me a straight, no-bullshit answer on his views and why he thinks this way- I'm forced to wonder about his views on, say, civil rights; affirmative action. It also makes me wonder if Mr. Saxton, a Portland attorney, will be the governor of all Oregonians- or just those who happen to be rural, predominantly white, so-called Christian, and so-called conservative folks.

Look, I'm not too wild over the idea of re-electing fellow Democrat Ted Kulongoski for another four years, but at least he's more likely to give me answers to questions I may ask- even if I don't agree with some of them. Still, right now, I'm leaning toward helping Kulongoski get re-elected.

Mr. Saxton, you still have the opportunity to answer my e-mail. Otherwise, I'm forced to question your statements that you're a moderate.

A Man of coincidence (?); Men, Better Be Careful

I just took a look at my e-mails- something I do on a daily basis- and saw a book being sold by amazon.com. The Newcomer's Handbook For Moving to and Living in Los Angeles: Including Santa Monica, Pasadena, Orange County, and the San Fernando Valley, 4th Edition (Newcomer's Handbooks, 2006). I find this coincidental because just days ago, I got this brochure on moving to L.A., to a new condo that's being built in Hollywood, and two, I've given up my resentment over folks from California moving here to Moscow on the Willamette- otherwise known as Portland, Oregon.

Is this a sign that someone upstairs is listening? Or is it just coincidence? Or are the folks at Amazon reading my mind (wild, man). Whatever it is, please, don't stop.

You see, I've decided to take the plantation a bit south on I-5 to the City of Angels, live the luxurious life that is Los Angeles. Experience the 300-plus days of sunshine, the high life. Even put my foot in the door of the entertainment business (however, I'll work mostly behind the camera, though, I won't rule out being in front of them). I'll keep my connection to the Portland/Vancouver/Salem area- I love Portland too much just to give up on it- but the change of scenery wouldn't hurt. Particularly when those patented wintertime rains come chugging through from October to March.

Guys, Don't Find Yourselves on this Website
Shortly before I checked the daily e-mails, I came across this news report on this Philadelphia lawyer suing this website called dontdatehimgirl.com (you can check out the story at http://www.cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2006/06/30/1662083-ap.html I've also provided a link directly to the Don't Date Him Girl website. Just click on the title). Out of curiosity, I've decided to look at the site myself.

What this site is about is basically a "bad dates" kind of deal. Something pissed off female dates can use to warn other women. Some profiles have pictures of the alleged cads, what their dirty deeds were- many guys apparently were married. The Philly lawyer alleges that some women said that he passed on some kind of STI (sexually transmitted infection), which he apparently didn't have. So now, he's suing the site and its' owners for defamation of character.

So, guys- this blogger included- betta watch your backs.

Perhaps us guys should create a site of our own, if one isn't already created. I'd like to call it, Man, She's a Fucking Slut (if I prefer, I could abbreviate the word Fucking, and just make it f---ing. But then it wouldn't be as fun, would it?)

Copyright 2006, by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

The Best TV Series You've Never Watched

Ever heard of a TV series from the late 1950's called Johnny Staccato? How About The Jake Effect, a sitcom starring Jason Bateman (Arrested Development)? How About EZ Streets?

No? Don't feel bad, not many of us did.

These series got cancelled before they had the chance to catch an audience.

Yes, a lot of shows get cancelled due to low ratings- and part of the reason for low ratings: shitty, shitty, shitty.

But some- like the three I've just mentioned- were nothing short of spectacular. Johnny Staccato, for example, was a half hour private detective series that was filmed in film noir style (film noir meaning "night film"). it had all the right ingredients: a lonely guy who gets in over his head- in this case Johnny Staccato, played by the late actor and director John Cassavettes (his widow is actress Gena Rowlands) who is a jazz pianist who moonlights as a private eye. The dame, or often times, femme fatale- in this case played by the late Bewitched actress Elizabeth Montgomery (damn, she exuded such white hot sexuality, which this series had, leaving the imagination to us viewers. Hey, it was 1959. they didn't show bare butts like they did on NYPD Blue). And a bad guy- hey, you gotta have a bad guy, or else it wouldn't be a detective/crime drama series. And, often times, you gotta have the MacGuffin- a device that they bad guy wants (of course, the great British director Alfred Hitchcock invented the term).

The series got canned before it had its' chance to catch on to viewers. Perhaps it was ahead of its' time, just like Star Trek was in the late 1960s. Or perhaps viewers didn't understand the noir style. But from watching it- and tapping to that white hot sexy cool score by elmer Berstein- I think that Johnny Staccato would have made it had NBC kept it on a bit longer.

Then, there's EZ Streets, which is a mafia versus cops series that aired about 10 years ago. It starred Ken Olin as a police detective tracking activities of a mobster, played by the always stellar Joe Pantoliano (The Sopranos, the lesbian noir thriller Bound). This series, Pantoliano makes a deal with a female mob associate to keep his bar. In the meantime, another mob associate, named Dog Face, is missing (and we know what that usually means).

There is a website that pays tribute to these cancelled-before-their-time series. Brilliant But Cancelled (just click on the title to go directly to the link). All of them were produced by Universal Studios- the site is owned by NBC Universal (wanna call it bias?) and aired on various TV networks.

So watch, and enjoy.