Yep, He's Dead Alright

Monday 5/2/2011 1:54:12 PM/13:54:12 PDT:
"Yep, He's Dead Alright"

Photo: Hamid Mir. Text: Darren Alexander

Poor Osama bin Laden. Even a fortress of his own building couldn't protect his pussy ass. One of the most evil terrorists ever to disgrace planet Earth was killed last night. Yeah, he went down fighting in a blaze of glory, but he used one of his wives as a human shield (that wife is very happy with him, no doubt...)

Someone said that the files have to be declassified, and let the video be seen. I have to agree with this, and when the time is appropriate, I would love to see how it was all done, and hear from the people who performed the raid on him. Oh, just picture this: the bastard sitting down eating whatever the hell he was eating...or perhaps he was getting a blow job from one of his wives. Who knows? All I can say is when those helicopters went down, and the Navy SEALS and CIA people did their home invasion heard around the globe, he tried to make his escape. But a bullet in the eye took care of that, didn't it?.

There is this saying "Be careful for what you ask for. You just might get it." Only, I doubt that the 72 faces greeting him are angels, let alone virgins. In fact, I'm, like, picturing him...no, let's go into the depth of hell to hear this conversation.

INT. HELL

ADOLF HITLER and SADDAM HUSSEIN sit on the stump.
A flame hits Adolf on the ass. Of course, 'Dolfie screams like the little bitch that he was when he ran Germany into the ground in World War II.

The newest resident, OSAMA BIN LADEN waltzes in, and slumps down between Adolf and Saddam.

OSAMA: I don't believe this. I was supposed to be greeted by 72 virgins. Sure the bitches looked fine, and man, you should have seen this one. I couldn't tear myself from her. But now--

Osama scratches his nads. He also notices a couple warts near the shaft of his penis.

SADDAM (to Osama): How did that work out, infidel?
OSAMA (to Saddam): Who you calling infidel? At least I didn't fuck a country in the ass.
SADDAM (to Osama): Oh yeah? At least I didn't try to turn Islam into some twisted cult. And what's with this name al-Qaida anyway? For all I know, you probably insult the beloved Muhammad with that name. (to Adolf, gesturing to Osama) You know what he did? He goes to New York, knocks down the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, and America brings a jihad against me. ME! At least I didn't hide my face when I did my dirt.

Osama rolls up his sleeve and shakes his fist.

OSAMA: Why you--
HITLER (to Osama): What are you sweinhunds bitching about, ? At least the women you got were better than the ones I got stuck with.. (Gestures at Saddam) And this...this dumbkopf! He smells and whimper like one of those fat cows who never heard of feminine wash--
OSAMA and SADDAM (unison): Oh shut up.

Adolf shoves Osama, who kicks Saddam...who punches Adolf.
It's safe to say that we have a nice little brouhaha here, folks.

DARREN (V.O.): And so it goes.

Copyright 2011 by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Bob Ryan, FUCK YOU!

Thursday night, the Portland Timbers of Major League Soccer played their fourth game (ever as an MLS team), and christened it with a 4-2 win (and their first win as an MLS franchise). But before the game came the National Anthem, and here's how the Timbers Army did it:

I'm telling you, America. I fight back tears as 20,000 fans at Jeld-Wen Field sing their hearts out. Who needs those Hollywood stars lip syncing or American Idol-wannabes screwing the song up when the fans can do it better?

But one person was not impressed. Bob Ryan of  ESPN's "Around the Horn" had to open his piehole.

A civic joke, Bob? The crowd lifting their scarves up at each drum beat, and in great fervor is a "civic joke"? If you're a friend of mine on Facebook (I use my real name, BTW), then you see how big of a fan I am of Bob Ryan. So big, that if I were the President, I'd deport his un-American ass, leave him somewhere in the middle of some ocean or in the middle of some desert, and let the wildlife devour him (but then, said wildlife would come after me for bringing in some biohazard). Ryan must work for Gaddafi, either that, or he must be some al-Qaida operative. How dare he say that the Timbers fans were not patriotic for being excited as they sang the "Star Spangled Banner". How dare he say that it's a civic joke to wave scarves around in deep passion as they're equally impassioned singing.

And even though Portland, Oregon (where I live, and have called home for going on 14 years) isn't perfect (the Poison song "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" rings in my head as I write this part of the entry), I still love this city! AND I LOVE MY TIMBERS (and my Blazers, too)! HOW DARE YOU MOCK MY CITY, BOB RYAN!!

I've began noticing highway signs saying "If This Man Is Seen In The Portland/Vancouver/Salem area, SHOOT ON SIGHT!" And they all have Bob Ryan's face on them. In a bulls-eye.

Copyright 2011 by Darren W. Alexander.
All Rights Reserved.

Okay, Bear with Me Here

I have a confession to make. Actually, two.

One, my crazy laptop keyboards are in act up mode again (what else is new? It'll be fixed in post).
And two, I haven't really blogged here in awhile.

Blame those demonic creations we call Facebook and Twitter, which allows me- and millions of others- to speak our minds in short order- with the emphasis on the word short.

I took a look at one of my entries today, and read a comment. The person, who chose to stay anonymous (nothing wrong with that...), said that I was getting better. That means a lot me, and I want to thank this person for the compliment.

In short order, I'll be back blogging here on a regular basis, though it may take a bit longer, as I'll also be doing research for the entries (something, I'll admit, I haven't always done. Just speak my mind, which I'll continue to do. Yes, research is a pain in the arse, but it is a necessary evil...).

So, if you don't hear from me in awhile here, don't worry (you can find me at the aforementioned social networks).

Copyright 2011, by Darren W. Alexander.
All Rights Reserved.

Parents Television Council Calls for Federal Investigation Into MTV's Skins - The Hollywood Reporter

Parents Television Council Calls for Federal Investigation Into MTV's Skins - The Hollywood Reporter

Boy, aren't we a bunch of puritanical hypocrites here in America.

MTV's "Skins" is a series featuring teenagers who indulge in sex and drugs on a regular basis. It is a version of a British TV series of the same name. Only Britain isn't going ape crazy over kids having sex and showing bare butts and/or genitalia.

One such episode, which may or may not have aired on January 31, featured a teenaged male running down the street with his bare buns. Viacom, the corporate parent of MTV, told MTV that the changes had to be made. But this didn't stop the Parents Television Council (PTC) from asking US attorney general Eric Holder to investigate for possible child pornography.

Will those meddling PTC types ever learn that Viacom- let alone MTV- is not in the business of playing parent? These people are supposed to be doing their jobs as parents- like telling their kids not to watch certain programs and the like. They're just wasting their breath on trying to lobby that MTV is made more "family friendly". Look, I don't mind if this group warns parents of sexual and drug content on the TV screen- hey, a lot of parents don't want their kids looking at this (I know I wouldn't want my kids to). But the way I see it, they need to just pick up the fucking remote and change the channel. Problem solved. But instead, they're not happy unless they find something to bitch about. And since "Skins" is a highly-rated program on MTV that attracts its main demographic...well, connect the dots here, folks.

The definition of child pornography, of course, is photographing and/or filming a child for sexual purposes. Now, I wholeheartedly understand that a 40-year-old man or woman filming him/herself having sex with a child, say, aged eight or ten is despicable. Yes, I would define that as child porn. But the actor, Jesse Carere, is 17, and here is where I see a gray area. Let's say that there is an episode or film where a man- or woman- my age (BTW, I'm 43) dates a 17 year old girl or boy. The two have sexual relations and are in degrees of groping and undress. There's nudity- partial, full, and perhaps even graphic nudity (which is showing said genitalia), along with some graphic sexuality. In the 50 states, there are age of consent laws, which mention the minimum age where a person can consent to sex. The age of consent in some states- Georgia, Alabama, Indiana, and the District of Columbia, among others, is 16. It's interesting that Georgia, Indiana, and Alabama are "red states, with Alabama and Georgia in the part of the US called the "Bible Belt". In Illinois, Colorado, and Louisiana, among others, it's 17. and in California and Oregon- considered "blue states", by the way- it's 18. So, given the fact that MTV airs in every state in the Union (and around the Globe for that matter), would showing the episode- and let's say that it airs unedited, bare ass and all- in question be considered child porn in the states where the age of consent is 16 or 17? I know many would say that federal law- specifically 18 USC (Chapter 18 of the United States Code)- trumps state law in this instance, but let's say that federal law doesn't apply (and given the fervor from quite a few happy Tea Party and militia types over the past couple of years, it probably doesn't to them). Then what?

Think about it.

I think the PTC just needs to stick to helping parents decide which programs they allow their children to watch- and butt out on telling the media companies how to run their programming.

Copyright 2011 by Darren W. Alexander.

All Rights Reserved.

Reagan- The New Jesus Christ

Thursday 2/17/2011 4:00:53 PM/16:00:53 PST:

(author's note: I'm seeking out the name of the person who created the above photo/poster. I want to properly credit him or her, so if you have to be this person, please leave your name in the comments box. Thanks...)


Yes, true believers. There is a new Messiah in our midst. Too bad that you have to be a conservative to be a child of this Christ.

Ever since the late former actor Ronald Reagan entered the White House- and I'm talking 30 years ago exactly- he's been lionized by just about everyone who wears the conservative badge. Rush Limbaugh, the late William F. Buckley, and the late Robert Novak (all that damn slouching killed him, didn't it?) It's almost like every conservative wants to jump on the Ronald Wilson Reagan bandwagon.

However, 30 years after entered the Oval Office, it looks like the conservatives are sullying their Messiah's name (sacre bleu!). Reagan advocated for smaller government and personal responsibility- just like the conservatives of today. But what differentiates the Gipper from today's so-called conservatives- yes, I'm talking to you, Glenn, Sarah, and especially you, Rush!- is that he was a bit more civil to the other side. These tea party types may carry the badge of Ronnie, but they've been anything but civil in discussion. And already, there have been physical casualties from this. The Tucson, Arizona shooting last month is a great example. Yes, you can say that Jared Lee Loughner is a nutcase several fries short of a Happy Meal. But some people forget that he's also an intelligent young man who felt slighted by democratic Representative Gabrielle Giffords (who continues to recover miraculously from being shot in the head...now there's a true hero if there ever is one) and anyone else in the federal government. Many would say that he got caught up in the tea party fervor, and whether or not anyone wants to believe it, that's their personal choice. But I do believe that his mental health issues interspersed with his being caught up in the tea party brouhaha has created the first victims of what may be a violent faction of an otherwise civil group. To be honest, it's only begun. But returning back to Reagan, would he be elected President today, as a Republican (as such was the case 30 years ago)? Most likely not. Reagan would be called "too civil" by today's conservatives, and even face that accusation many moderate and liberal Republicans face- being a RINO (Republican In Name Only).

In 2011, Ronnie would be tarred, feathered, and ran out of DC. So much for carrying on the Reagan legacy.