Bank Robber Wins $1 Million- Should He Get to Keep the Winnings?

A Hyannis, Massachusetts man goes into a convenience store, spends $10 on a scratch-off ticket (here in the Beaver State, we call them 'scratch-its'). He wins the top prize of $1 Million.

$1 Million! That's awesome! That's $50,000 a year, before taxes.

But here's where things get weird: the prize winner is a convicted bank robber. And the man- Timothy Elliot, 55- may not get to keep the winnings, if the judge who handled his bank robbery cases decides so. Elliot was convicted of two bank robberies and was sent to a mental hospital after each conviction. Elliot could go back to jail for violating his probation- which had terms that he was not to gamble in any form.

Even stranger- the Massachusetts Lottery says that technically, Elliot could play and win the prize.

Look, Elliot made mistakes. Yes, he pled guilty to the two robberies. But, come on! This time, he won a prize- fair and square, I must add. So, my take on this is this:

1. Take out whatever amount he owes on probation and fines out of his lottery check, part of it at least- and of course, taxes- and let him keep the remainder of it. Here's how the math goes: He'll get, let's say $35,000 after taxes. Okay, the state and Mr. Elliot's probation office split the $17,500, Tim Elliot keeps the remaining $17,500. No fuss. No muss. Help him with money management. Have him maintain an account in a bank (however, I don't recommending using any of the banks he allegedly robbed). Or...
2. Given that the same goddamned family that threw him away now wants to welcome him back with open arms, get at least one trustworthy member to help him out (but, of course, even the 'trustworthy' one may not be so...you know how it is with so-called friends- you look like shit and nobody loves you. You hit it big in the lottery or any other financial windfall break, everyone wants to suck your dick/eat your pussy...my advice- MOVE OUT OF TOWN!...).

Now what I would've done- if I were in Mr. Elliot's shoes- is taken the lumps sum- probably $500,000. After taxes, about $350,000. Let the probation office take about $105,000, which leaves Mr. Elliot $245,000. And I'd hire an accountant to help him with what I suggested in the latter part of #1 above. And I'd probably leave the state. Pay the $105,000 to the probation office, end the probation, and leave the state of Tax-sachussetts- too many bad memories.

Of course, this could turn out like the NBC hit comedy, My Name is Earl. Just watch out for that ex-wife...and that kin as well.

In January 2008, this blog will go under a new name- and I'll probably change that web address as well (I'm ironing out the details...).
(C) 2007, by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

Senator Sues God

In Lincoln, Nebraska- the state capital- a state senator is suing the Almighty- who goes by the names God; Higher Power; Jehovah; Yahweh; Allah; Buddah; or even Satan- for acts such as making terroristic threats; causing inter Alia (among other things) disasters such as tornadoes; hurricanes; earthquakes; etc.

The point Ernie Chambers, 70, Democrat representative for the 11th District of Nebraska is trying to make, allegedly, is to prove that anyone can sue God.

So, if I want to, I can sue the Almighty on grounds that he/she has denied work for me and kept me from making billions of dollars, right?

Or I can sue my Jehovah's Witness mother for that. She's the one who bitched when I awed over Sly Stallone's house (when Oprah interviewed Sly on one of her show's episode).

Just a couple of thoughts, folks.

You can go directly to the PDF copy of this suit by click here: http://media.graytvinc.com/documents/Chambers+v+God.pdf

Copyright (C) 2007, by Darren W. Alexander. All Rights Reserved.

How to Commit Rape While Sleepwalking

A British Royal Air Force mechanic was accused of raping a 15-year-old girl. However, in two hours, Kenneth Ecott, 26, was acquitted on the account that he was sleepwalking.

That's right, he had sex with the girl- he admitted to this- while he was sleepwalking.

Apparently, Ecott suffers from 'sexsomania', or 'sex sleep'- why can't I suffer from this more often- a rare, but real disorder. Sexsomania is also known as somnambulistic sexual behavior, and is part of the behavior called parasomnia- behavior typically not associated with sleep. About 3 to 6 percent of adults, according to the ABC News report- the link I have here- continue to display such parsomniac behaviors.

Strangely, not all partner of sexsomaniacs are distressed over being fucked as they sleep. The other partner may be banging away, but not know about it until the lover/spouse brings it up the next day. Some of this sex sleeping is gentle, some of it rough. But the fact remains, the person who's indulging his erotic desires won't remember it the next day.

Needless to say, if I should be so lucky to be among the sexsomanaics, one, hopefully, it'll be with my own partner, and not in some stranger's bed (or if so, she won't cry 'rape'. I can't afford the 25 years to life), and two, hopefully, she'll tell me how great I was.

Just a thought, kids.

There is an explanation of this condition in the Newsweek/MSNBC website, which I also have the link to, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18999826/site/newsweek

(C)2007, by Darren W. Alexander
All Rights Reserved.