It's Gonna Be a WHAT?!!

Is Faith Hill pissed that she lost to newcomer Carrie Underwood in last night's CMA Awards?

Underwood, winner of the 2005 American Idol competition, won female vocalist of the year. Faith Hill apparently took offense, turned to the camera, and appeared to say "What?!!"

Now, Mrs. Samuel Timothy Smith (Tim McGraw's real name. Of course Tim's daddy was the late Phillies pitcher Tug McGraw) aka Audrey Faith McGraw (her real name. Perry's her maiden name) insists that she was joking when she did her act. I don't know, baby. It sounded like a call out for fightin' baby (cue song, "You ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man)", by Loretta Lynn. Only substitute "Award" for "Man" and have Carrie sing the song...).



Shifting gears, today is, of course, election day. Go out and vote (I'll tell you why in my next entry).

Ted Haggard- New Pastor of the Church of Pussies

Last week, a gay escort stepped forward to mention that the Rev. Ted Haggard, pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, had sex with him, gave him a massage and took meth. This in response to Haggard's support for an amendment in Colorado, Amendment 43, that would put into the Colorado constitution a law that marriage would be only be between a man and a woman. (The paranoia ensues, folks...).

This weekend, Haggard resigned as pastor of New Life, a 14,000 member church. He wrote in a letter that he had "committed sexual immorality..." and that he was a "depraved man."

I call him a man who is running away from who he is- a gay man.

Yes, true believers, the good reverend is what I'd like to call a gay man in deep denial. He has been taught to hate himself, use the Bible as an excuse to hate the very thing that God made him- a man who happens to like men. Oh, sure, Haggard is a married dad of five, with a lovely wife who is probably a bit less loving and supporting amid these revelations. But the question I must ask Teddy Bear (can I callyou that, Ted? Thanks...) is (cue song "How Long (Has This Been Going On)" by Ace) Yes, Ted, how long have you harbored sexual feeling toward guys? How long have you've been craving dick over pussy? How long have you known that youjust daydreamed that you were in a nightclub in Denver, dancing among hot, sweaty, and gorgeous hunks?

I see that the Exodus International- the scam that calls itself an 'ex-gay' ministry (of course, there's that <33% success rate you've got to take into account...hmmm...)- has worked for you, Ted.

Look, Ted Haggard, whether he believes it or no, has just admitted that he's gay. Nothing wrong wioth that. Except that he's beating himself over it instead of embracing it. God still loves him, and God has a place for him to pastor. It could be a branch of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, or Reconciling Congregations of the United Methodist Church. Hell, the United Church of Christ openly accepts gay men, as does the Universal Unitarian Church.

But whichever church Ted Haggard chooses to pastor in say, a couple years or so (after he goes through the 'denial/grief/acceptance' bit...and after his divorce from his wife becomes final, should that come to pass), at least he'll be in good company. Praising God among those hot, gorgeous hunks. One of them being his new husband, no doubt.

Let's Talk About- and Visualize- Warm Weather

Right now, I'm in a state of boredom. I'm feeling tired, and...I'm ready to fall asleep. Now if I wasn't at the (Multnomah County Central) library, I would just go ahead and nod off. But I can't do this. So...

It's no secret that I'd much rather be elsewhere right now. Elsewhere being Los Angeles; Miami; or even Bora Bora. Lying in the sun, feeling the warmth on my skin. Sipping margaritas or pina coladas, surrounded by hot buxom ladies. Being softly killed by kisses, bare breasts, and kitties in the middle. Ah, yes. The life I desire. (Oh, don't forget, all of this being taped and/or filmed...after all, I need the footage for my self-taught lessons in using Final Cut Studio 5.1...).

So, as I put up- for a bit longer, at least- with the return of the winter rainy season here in the Pacific Northwest (and perhaps three to four months in Alaska at a seafood processing plant on, perhaps Dutch Harbor in Unalaska), I can be rest assured that before long, I'll be atop of the world in a condo; dancing to, say, Latino and black hip-hop. And, of course, seeing different babes nightly (okay, not every night. I need the break from time to time...).

I'll be in the sun sooner than I think. Believe it!

Prince- The Comeback. But At What Cost?

Prince Rogers Nelson- the artist forever known as just his first name- is opening a club in Las Vegas, Club 3121. It's located at the Club Rio hotel and nightclub on Flamingo Rd.

While I celebrate his success- hey, once a Prince fan, always a Prince fan- I kind of question this move.

You see, Prince is- or was, I don't know. I'll have to ask him directly- a Jehovah's Witness.

Let me admit my dog in the fight. I was once raised in that faith, in my youth. As almost everyone knows, the Witnesses don't celebrate holidays; vote in elections; have sexual relations- same sex or opposite sex- outside of marriage. They don't believe in same sex relationships- let alone same sex marriage. And although they're allowed to enter bars and nightclubs- provided that they're of the legal age, of course- such actions are highly discouraged. For the record, I haven't been associated with the faith for over 15 years (though my mother and at least three of my siblings are in the faith).

Which is why I must ask Prince why is he running one.

Now, if he's been disfellowshiped- excommunicated- then that's one thing. But if he's still a JW, are the elders at his church comfortable with him doing this. If not, I think Prince should seriously think about what he's doing.

Now Am I Glad That I Didn't Vote For Kulongoski?

In 2004, a rumor was confirmed in political circles. The rumor being that Neil goldschmidt, who was Oregon governor from 1987 to 1991, had sex with a (then) 14-year-old girl- all while mayor of Portland (1973-1979). Before the revelation- and subsequently Willamette Week (Portland's alternative weekly) reporter Nigel Jaquiss winning his Pulitzer for bringing down Neil- Goldschmidt was ashining star in local; state; and even national politics (he was President Carter's Transportation secretary).

In this online magazine, Counterpunch (http://www.counterpunch.com), Fred Leonhardt, who was the speechwriter for Goldschmidt, mentions that a lot of people knew of Goldschmidt's shenannigans. Including the current governor, Theodore Kulongoski (who's about to receive his retirement gift from the voters this coming Tuesday...maybe...). Leonhardt reportedly told Kulongoski- when the latter was Oregon's attorney general- about Goldschmidt's sexual dalliances with babysitters, and that later on, Kulongoski reluctantly wanted to keep Goldschmidt "...at arms length because he asks me to do unethical things..."

So, my question to the soon-to-be-ex-governor(?), did you know about Neil's pedophiliac tendencies? If so, why are you still sitting on this? Sure, if you were to speak the truth, Neil could have destroyed you. And you probably wouldn't be sitting at Mahonia Hall (the governor's mansion) today (and you probably won't be sitting there too much longer if voters have a say in the matter on Tuesday). If you knew about this, and you're not telling us, Ted...I don't know how you could sleep at night- let alone during the four years you've been running the state of Oregon (into the ground, but running Oregon nonetheless...).

Of course, this does parallel the recent Mark Foley debacle (you know, where Foley sent pornograph e-mails to male pages. No report of Foley ever sleeping with the boys. which is more than I can say about Goldschmidt fucking teenaged female babysitters...).